As a freshman at the University of New Haven, I feel inclined to share some tips with my fellow classmates. I interviewed upperclassman to see if they had any advice for us.
I’m confident that if you follow these 5 rules, you will breeze through your first year, and be THE COOLEST freshman at UNH. You’ll be so cool, you’ll poop ice cubes.
Disclaimer: People may be intimidated by you, and stare, wondering how you came to be soooo cool… but that’s the price you have to pay for coolness.
1) Wear your lanyard around your neck.
Make sure all of your keys are attached to the lanyard, as well as your student ID. Not only does this look oh-so-chic, but it’s also convenient! Instead of shuffling through your bag, everything you need is right around your neck.
Bonus: When you’re walking on campus wearing your cutest outfit, the sound of your lanyard swinging around your neck will definitely draw the attention of the cutest upperclassmen.
2) Make sure you know where you’re going.
Even if it means stopping right in the middle of the sidewalk, make sure you check your schedule and get to the right place. Upperclassmen know what you’re going through, and will be very understanding. They may say things like, “Move b*tch, get out the way!” But don’t panic, they were probably raised in a household where that phrase means, “I understand you’re having some trouble, I’m here for you.”
3) Learn the unspoken the dress code.
Yes, this is college, and you can wear whatever you want! But, there are a couple unspoken rules.
It’s a really good idea to show the upperclassmen that you have school spirit. The only way to do that is to wear at least one article of UNH merchandise on your person at all times- the more, the better!
Also, when attending parties (especially fraternity parties), pull out the tightest crop top you own. Crop tops are one of the greatest inventions of our generation. Show off your belly button, boys love that.
4) Keep an eye on your laundry.
Doing laundry is hard, especially when your brain keeps asking you questions like, “Can anyone tell I wore this tank top yesterday?” “Does it count if I spray my clothes with Febreeze?” “How many times can I wear these socks before they get holes in them?” So, props to you for doing laundry… But you have to be careful.
You should sit and watch your laundry go through the washer and the dryer. Don’t even bring your laptop to the basement with you. Laptops are a distraction. Just sit there and watch the machine do its job. I cannot stress this enough… You have to sit in the laundry room and wait for your clothes.
5) Eat every meal at Bartels.
This is the place to be! Everyone else eats here, and the food is amazing! Nowhere else on campus has food that compares to Bartels. Seriously, nowhere compares.
Authors note:
I hope you picked up the sarcasm I was laying down.
For your own good, please do not do anything I encouraged.