Homeless (adj.): (of a person) without a home, of no fixed address, without a roof over one’s head.
Homeless. That’s what I suddenly was. But on top of that, not only was I homeless, but I was also suddnely a full-time college student with piles of homework and a part-time employee with tons of shifts lined up. Never in my entire life did I ever come to think that I would be kicked out and homeless, until one day I came home and was told by my mother to pack up all of my belongings and get out.
All of this started because there was more tension between us than anyone could really handle. I thought that I could handle it–I thought that I could handle anything. But, things were getting rougher than I ever anticipated and because of that, I tried to stay on campus as much as possible. I wanted to avoid home and avoid the awful tension in the house.
During the times I had to go back home, it was always a nightmare. My stomach would churn while I drove over because I couldn’t fathom the thought of going back to the place that I was supposed to call home, but home shouldn’t cause anyone endless pain. As soon as I would get home, I’d run up to my room and lock my door because my room was my safe-zone in the house; I felt okay in there. The arguments wouldn’t cross over into my room, and my parent’s constant bring-me-downs would not even go past the door.
I eventually couldn’t take the feeling of being unwanted and uncomfortable with my family, so I spent the night at the dorms. One day turned into one night, and one night turned into two, but I made sure that each time I stayed over on campus, I would let my parents know where I was and what I was doing. My parents completely ignored my messages the first night and the second nights, and then sent me hurtful texts that insinuated that I thought that they were “stupid”. However, not only did I receive a text, but my boyfriend did too. They texted him saying that they hoped that the past 2 days were “worth it”. The following day, I got a text from my mom telling me to go home immediately and of course, I found a ride and was on my way back.
My heart was racing during the car ride back because I knew that something wasn’t right. About halfway through the drive, my step dad called me and told me to “hurry the f— up and get home.” And that was when I knew that the storm was coming.
The moment I walked into my house, my parents asked me to give them back their keys. My mom said, “I understand that you’re 18 and want to live your life but you will not do that here. Go upstairs, and pack up all of your s—“.
I asked her why she was upset, and she didn’t respond. I must have asked her more than 5 times and she refused to say anything. Then, she finally admitted that it was because I had been staying at the dorms the past two nights.
That is something any college student would do. I did not stay at the dorms with malicious intent, but rather because that was where I felt okay and safe; that’s where I felt like I wouldn’t lose my mind. But she didn’t understand that. She thought that I was out being a reckless teen when in reality, I was a teen who was trying to cope with the fact that she did not feel loved by her own family.
I took my mom’s reason for kicking me out, and I accepted it. As I was about to walk out of the room, she handed me a bag full of ashes and when I asked what it was, she said it was all of my pictures. Pictures of my boyfriend and I, pictures of my friends and pictures of family. Some of the pictures didn’t even belong to me, which infuriated me. But as angry as I was, I grabbed the bag of ashes, called my friends and my boyfriend, and had them help me pack up my entire room.
On my way out, she grabbed my brothers and took them into her room so that they wouldn’t witness me being kicked out. She stared at each one of my friends and I as we left the house and said not a single word. No hug…no goodbye…nothing.
As we drove off, away from the place I could no longer call home, it all hit me. I broke down into tears. I had nowhere to go. My friends and boyfriend offered shelter in their dorms, but there was only so much time and space that they could keep me there. Besides, I didn’t want them to have to change around their own lives just because mine seemed over. But, it’s not over.
I recently went to my school’s financial office and the residence life office and told them of my situation. Luckily, there was an affordable spot for me to live in and now I’m living paycheck to paycheck because I have to pay the monthly fee. However, I feel like it was in the cards for me to even find a solid place to be in.
I sit in silence sometimes, and think to myself, “Why did my parents not want me? Why was there always so much animosity?” and the more I ask myself these questions, the more unloved I feel. I can’t help but feel like I am no longer wanted by my family, let alone my home. The entire situation has brought me to tears over and over again because my heart feels like it’s been ripped out of my chest.
But I have accepted the fact that I was given a test to show if I would break or grow strong, and although I bent a little, I think that my strength is actually growing. I’m learning to appreciate the things and people around me. There are people out there that love and care for me, and would do anything to help me and for that, I’d like to thank them all. I’m growing up, and I have decided to take this experience and turn it into a life lesson. A lesson that will help me better myself and learn how to be a part of the real world.
To anyone out there who feels the way I ever did, or who feels any type of pain, I would just like you to know that things will get better.
The grass is greener on the other side and although I felt like the other side was in a drought, when I got there, I realized that it was so much better. So, you are not alone.
There are plenty of people who will be there for you, and who will show you love throughout every step of the way. And when you realize who those people are, give them the biggest hug you could ever give someone and make sure that you hold onto them for the rest of your life because just like you, they’re worth it.
If anyone you know is in between homes and needs a stable place to stay, visit The Rock Hill Homeless Shelters and Services in Rock Hill, South Carolina or vist The National Coalition for the Homeless.