Little kids always seem so certain about what they want to be when they grow up. They are confident and gleam with pride when asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Sure, their answer may change every time you ask them, but for at least a moment, they are confident. If you ask a college student the same exact question, you might face a completely different reaction. Choosing what you want to do for the rest of your life is a stressful, high stakes decision. Many students start college without the slightest idea as to what they want to do, while others have known for years. I was the latter of the two.
I decided at a mere 14 years old that I wanted to go into genetics. I knew I would be either a genetic counselor or a medical geneticist (yes, there is a difference). I was thrilled when I was accepted to the University of Wisconsin-Madison because it offered a top ranked genetics program. I knew that I was getting the most value out of my education by choosing Madison…or so I had thought.
Fast forward to my sophomore year of college when I started taking major specific courses. If you would have asked me at the end of September, or even the middle of October, how I liked my major, I would have said with confidence that I loved it and was excited for what the future had to bring. But if you had asked me in November how I felt about genetics, you would be surprised that the excited gleam in my eye had faded and may have even been masked by tears.
My dream was no longer a reality; in fact, it was far from it. I was more stressed than anything I had ever experienced prior, and I was struggling. I couldn’t keep up, my classes made no sense, and I spent every waking moment studying, yet there was little difference in my understanding than when I had started studying. I gave up sleep to force myself to understand things, and I attended office hours to work through things with my TAs and professors, but nothing helped. I was failing at achieving my dream; I had hit a brick wall, and I couldn’t seem to pick myself back up—I knew something needed to change.
Since coming to college, I had become fascinated by so many things that I wasn’t really exposed to growing up. Mainly: politics. I toyed with the idea of changing my major or career path for a few weeks, but it was hard to face the reality of leaving my eighth-grade dream. I talked with some close friends, who I knew would be open and honest with me when I approached them with my problem, and they helped talk me through all of my doubts and hesitations. Finally, I convinced myself to talk to an advisor in political science and explain my position, maybe even seek advice. I had always thought it would be kind of cool to be a lawyer or maybe even a politician, but I was so driven and determined to be a doctor that I pushed any other thoughts aside.
It was time to face reality. I had a very productive conversation with the political science advisor and even started the major declaration process. I originally was just going to try a semester in the major, see how I liked it, and then declare a new major, but I figured I might as well go all in. A few days later, I was accepted into the program and a giant weight was lifted off my shoulders. I finally felt less burdened by my classes, hopeful even; I was still determined to do the best I could do in each class, but that still wasn’t saying much.
In high school, I was a straight A student, was on high honor roll every semester middle school, and very rarely struggled in anything. In college, I was lucky to get an AB or even a B in most of my classes, and very rarely understood anything. Looking at my transcript without prior knowledge of my struggles, you would probably question whether I even bothered to show up to class. I had never been so disappointed in myself.
I ended the semester, about as expected, which was unfortunate, as I had low expectations for myself. However, the semester, and my “mid-college crisis,” had taught me many valuable lessons. I learned that things in life change whether you ask for it or not; dreams change, you change, and you need to follow the path that life lays in front of you. Was I devastated having to change my dream? Of course. But, did I end up pleased with my decision? A million times yes.
Change is scary, we all know that, but in the end it all comes down to what your outlook on life is. I was terrified to take that leap of faith into a new path. I had done hours of research and years of talking to people to know everything I could about a career in genetics, while I had spent no time at all talking to anyone about law, and I knew very little about the career itself.
I learned that it is okay to walk away from things you think will be your passion, and turns out they aren’t. Through some self-reflecting, I learned what is best for me to be happy again. I also opened myself up to my friends for advice, which was scary to do, but I knew they would have my best interest at heart. In the end, I learned that life happens. It doesn’t always go exactly as you intend, but you will find your way. It may take a little longer, or involve a few more obstacles to overcome first, but you will find your way.