In February it seems impossible to escape the outpouring of romance: movie, music, food, candy; it’s all about the love. While I’m a sucker for romance, I did start thinking about soulmates around this the holiday of love, and I realized: they aren’t real.
I’ve always been a huge romantic. Show me a rom-com and I’ll cry in all the right places, I’ll romantically ship couples on TV shows or in movies, and I’ll demand that Finn and Rachel were meant for each other. (They’re on Glee for those of you who don’t know.) As a kid I was always waiting for my Prince Charming to find me, because obviously the man who was made just for me had to be out there somewhere, right? Wrong.
I don’t believe in soulmates. I don’t think that there’s one person out there that is the perfect fit for us. Instead, I believe in something much more romantic: working for love.
Hear me out; I’m not saying that we can’t find a sort of cosmic love that seems to be the stuff of movies. Of course we can, but saying that they’re your soulmate doesn’t make sense. There are billions of people in the world, so the chances of meeting the one that was somehow made for you would probably be impossible.
While I don’t think that just anyone can have that romance that is the stuff of fairytales, I do think that it’s the work that you put into a relationship that makes the romance what it is. Love can be a whirlwind, and it seems that many couples don’t last because they are all spark with no follow through. While couples like that might seem like soulmates (at first), it’s the work that you put into a relationship that helps it to transition to one of romance to one of love.
If you look at any couple who has been together for a long time, you can probably see the amount of work a good relationship takes. I know my parents work together, they have give and take and that’s what makes them work so well together. While they love each other romantically, it is because they are also able to work together as equals and respect each other this way that they’ve been able to last so long.
In my own experience you reap what you sow. In a long distance relationship it’s easy to drift, to lose feeling or to give up. It’s the effort that we put in to talk to each other, visit and remind each other that we’re there that keeps our love alive. Not every couple is ready, or willing to put in this work. You get out what you put in, and so for a strong love both people have to be willing to work, whether near or far.
No, I don’t believe in soulmates. What I believe in is better: love where two people are willing to put in the work.