Your drunk self is great, but sometimes needs to be put into check. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was a sober you around at all times to make sure you don’t do anything stupid? Here’s a few things your sober self would probably want to let your drunk self know:
1. “That is not dancing…please, stop.”
2. “SHHHH, JUST SHUT UP.”
3. “He’s not David Beckham, it’s just dark in here…chill.”
4. “STOP GIVING YOUR NUMBER OUT TO RANDOS!”
5. “People are trying to sleep you inconsiderate asshole.”
6. “Do you like jail? ‘Cause that’s where you’re headed.”
7. “Don’t get into a stranger’s car! Do you want to end up in a dumpster?”
8. “Why are you getting mad at your friend? She’s the only one looking out for you, stupid.”
9. “Why aren’t you embarrassed right now?”
10. “Go home to your bed…please.”
11. “No, he doesn’t want to your number. Please, walk away.”
12. “I hate you.”
13. “Your ex is crazy, HANG UP THE PHONE, WHY ARE YOU CALLING HIM?”
14. “Dude, he’s not hot.”
15. “Leave the nice Uber driver alone.”
16. “I’m not drunk enough to deal with you right now.”
17. “You’re–No, I’M–going to feel like shit in the morning.”
18. “Calm the fuck down.”
19. “Put your god-damned clothes back on.”
20. “You can’t afford all of these drinks, you can barely afford Starbucks.”
21. “Stay. Off. Snapchat.”
22. “STAY AWAY FROM YOUR PHONE. Wait…do you still have your phone?”
23. “That’s not cute.”
24. “No, she does not want a sip of your drink. She doesn’t know you.”
25. “Are you forgetting that you’re a lightweight???”
26. “Put that down”
27. “You will regret this, I promise.”
