*Spolier Alert*
The episode begins with Archie running errands for Hiram in his newfound “criminal apprenticeship”. Archie has been taken under the wing of Mr. Lodge, who seems to be trying to mold Andrews into some “high rolling mobster”. With Veronica’s Confirmation just around the corner, Hiram is under a lot of pressure to curate the perfect family ties. Upon news that “Daddy’s inner-inner circle” is coming to town for the sacred event, Agent Adams approaches Archie and asks him to snoop.
With the arrival of a Confirmation gift from the St. Claires, Veronica discovers that her parents know of Archie’s tiff with Nick. When Mr. Lodge confronts Archie about the fight, he completely defies expectations and admits to Archie that he is “impressed”. This newfound respect for Andrews results in Hiram asking his young apprentice to “keep the drinks filled and the cigars cut” at a poker game with his “out-of-town guests”.
Meanwhile on the Southside, Sheriff Keller visits Jughead and FP to ask them about the beheading of the General’s statue. Jughead points out (rightly so) that the sheriff is more caught up with vandalism than catching the Black Hood. Okay, but for real–where did the Black Hood even go??? They arrested someone, admitted it probably wasn’t the serial killer, and never addressed it again? Okay, Riverdale. Okay.
The next day, Sheriff Keller comes by with an eviction notice for everyone living in Jughead’s trailer park. With direct orders from Mayor McCoy, the sheriff says everyone must get out in 14 days. The Serpents are (obviously) pissed for being evicted, and Tall Boy decides to blame the whole thing on Jughead. They fight about who cut off the head of the General’s statue before FP breaks them apart. With a newfound fire, Jughead confronts Mayor McCoy who immediately tells him to back down and leave them alone. Jones decides to meet with Betty at Pops, where he asks his ex-girlfriend to help him figure out how to save the trailer park. The couple (I wish) decide to figure out who decapitated the statue by putting up reward fliers around the Southside.
Jughead brings some of the fliers to the Serpent’s home base only to discover Penny waiting for his arrival. PENNY IS BACK!? I honestly thought she would crawl back into the cave she came from and never return; but alas, Penny the snake charmer is back with a vengeance. She strikes a deal with the Serpents: she will help them save the trailer park, but only if they kick Jughead out of the Serpents and IF SHE CAN SLICE OFF HIS TATTOO “WITH A DIRTY KNIFE”. Yes, those caps are a lot. Yes, that’s exactly how I feel. Why is she so salty??? I mean, I know why… but still.
Back to the Northside, we are transported to Hiram’s poker game where he hosts a few of his closest mobster friends. Sucky friends, apparently, because Archie overhears two of the older men discussing how Mr. Lodge is getting sloppy and they need to “remove” him after Veronica’s Confirmation.
The Confirmation arrives, and I am left with a weird sense of “WTF just happened??”. TBH you just have to watch it to understand. Please. Watch this scene so we can commiserate about how weird it was. At the Confirmation party, Archie pulls Hiram aside to tell him about the “removal” happening later that night. When Veronica tries to find out what the conversation was about, Andrews admits that he knows Hiram is a mobster and that it will never change how much he loves Ronnie.
We are transported back to the Southside where Jughead discovers that Tall Boy beheaded the statue of General Pickens. Jughead, Betty, Toni, and FP confront Tall Boy who admits–get this–that Mr. Lodge asked him to start the mutiny!! Okay Hiram, I see you. Betty and Jughead return to his trailer and start to get ~intimate~. Betty stops for a second, and I truly thought she was going to tell Jones about Dark Side Betty… but she decides not to and continues on. I kinda miss Betty’s dark side! Where’d she go? We get little glimpses of her every episode, but are left wanting more.
The next morning, Agent Adams confronts Archie with the news that one of Hiram’s fellow mobsters, Poppa Poutine, was found dead. That’s right. D. E. A. D. Did Hiram kill Poppa Poutine? Did Pops kill him for insulting his food (jk, but actually that was rude as hell and I wouldn’t blame Pops if he did)? We can’t be sure. Meanwhile, Veronica discovers that one of her Confirmation gifts is the HEAD FROM GENERAL PICKENS’ STATUE. Did the Lodges deserve it? Probably. Did Veronica deserve it? To be determined.
As the episode comes to a close, Betty returns to her house after leaving the Southside. As she turns the corner of the hallway, she sees her mother cleaning up a ginormous (like seriously huge) pool of blood with Chic cowering in the corner. What happened here?? Why do so many people die in Riverdale? Who is the Black Hood? Why is Betty’s mom always there when bad things happen? As always, I am left with so many questions.
Until next week.
Yours Truly