1. Always text her when you are heading back to the dorm.
They are probably having sex. They might not be, but if they are anything like mine (been together for almost two years and only see each other on breaks), they are. You may be comfortable changing clothes in front of each other, or you may not, but no matter what, your relationship is going to change if you walk in on her having sex. Maybe not so much with your roommate, but definitely with her boyfriend!
2. Don’t let on that she has been telling you basically all of her sex stories from day 1 of the relationship.
You might know what his dick looks like in theory because, hey, yeah, of course she’s really happy that her boyfriend has an above average dick size. And good for both of them, but unless you are also really close with him too, maybe he doesn’t need to know how much you know about his dick.
3. Don’t insert yourself into their cuddle session.
LOL, I actually did this… Multiple times… As a joke, of course! But mostly just to make them feel awkward. Considering, my roommate and I have cuddled before, it really wasn’t that uncomfortable between us. But add her boyfriend into the mix and it got a little weird. So, DON’T do this! Unless you want to make them uncomfortable because you want to get back at them for making you uncomfortable all the time with their public (but not actually public because you were in the dorm room) displays of affection, which also remind you just how single you are.
4. For the love of god, don’t change in front of him!
You may do it in front of your roommate, but you don’t change in public! He’s still part of the public, even if he is in your room for the time being. Have a little class!
5. Don’t accidentally flash him after you get your nipples pierced.
This goes along with the one above. But seriously, don’t. Sure you might be drunk because, Dear God, they really bruised your nipples with that needle, and yeah you don’t really care, but he does. Weirdly enough, he doesn’t actually want to see your nipples.
6. Don’t go along with them on all their excursions while he’s visiting.
Mostly just because it’s expensive. He might be staying there for quite a while so don’t spend all of your money going with them, even if they ask you to drive and say they will pay for gas! Even if going to that really nice Italian restaurant sounds so much better than getting slightly cold pizza from the cafeteria, stay strong! You are a college student; don’t forget that!
7. Bonus: If you really want, make them uncomfortable at every chance you get.
Yes it’s a little mean, but he’s disrupting your schedule too. What about when she’s in class and you have to make awkward small talk with him while you’re getting ready for yours? If you’re anything like me, I just stuck myself into their relationship. With my roommate’s blessing, we all joke that we are in a throuple. It’s like a couple, but with an extra person—a ménage trois, but without the sex.