Trigger warning: sexual assault, sexual harassment
In my four years of college, I’ve had more than three friends come to me and tell me they’ve been assaulted. And what’s most horrifying is that this number is the norm for most college women.
According to RAINN’s statistics on campus sexual violence, over 23% of female undergraduate students experience rape or sexual assault throughout their college career. That’s 1 in 5.
When my friends came to confide in me what happened to them, my heart sank, and I instinctively thought of ways I could help. What kind of advice could I give? How could I best help my friend cope through such a difficult time?
As much as I wanted to say that I could understand what my friend was going through, this was an instance where I really couldn’t. I could sympathize, but I couldn’t feel the emotions they were feeling.
As college women, most of us know at least one person in our lives who has been sexually assaulted. By no means am I an expert on this topic, but from my experiences, here are the ways that I’ve tried to support and help my friends who have undergone sexual assault.
1. Provide resources and information
The UC Davis Center for Advocacy, Resources & Education (CARE) is the on-campus resource for students or staff who have experienced any form of sexual violence, including sexual assault, sexual harassment, or domestic/dating violence. Send your friend links to the various resources on campus (because there are a lot) and offer to accompany them to any meetings, police hearings, or counseling sessions they might have.
2. Listen without speaking
One of the most important things you can do for a friend who has been sexually assaulted is to just listen to what they have to say. The advice part on your end isn’t that important. Be a receptive ear and someone your friend knows they can count on to be their punching bag for anger, their pillow for tears, and their friend for hugs.
3. Address needs in a different way
Your instinct might be to treat your friend in the specific way you do when they go through a break-up or a bad grade, but you might need to think differently about how to help your friend heal after a sexual assault. It could be something like asking them if they want a food drop off if you’re picking up takeout for yourself, or inviting them out to plans you wouldn’t normally invite them to.
Image source: Pexels
4. Understand changes in personality
You might notice your friend go through changes in personality or mood. Maybe they’re a little quieter than usual or maybe they have an uncontainable energy. Whatever the case may be, try not to comment on their change of mood and give them space when it seems appropriate.
5. Be supportive, no matter what
Your friend might be going through tough decisions with their sexual assault experience. For example, they could be deciding whether or not to press charges. And while you might have some insight to share or a strong opinion, keep in mind that at the end of the day, you have to support your friend with whatever decision they make.
If you or a friend is in need of assistance, visit CARE’s website for more information.