Ah, college. A time of finding yourself and what you want to do with your life, finding your forever friends, and of course, the only time in your life where f**kboys lurk at every corner. Honestly, it’s almost like we’re all living our own personal version of A Quiet Place and none of us are safe. Whether you want to admit or not, we’ve all had our fair share of run-ins with them. From a simple slide into your Instagram DM’s and messaging you on Tinder to that late night “are you awake? text,” we’ve all encountered f**kboys in one way, shape, or form.
I know f**kboys are everywhere, but somehow, it seems like Tallahassee breeds them. I mean, for real though, the wanna-be reality TV show, Neighbors & Friends, managed to find the biggest f**kboy in all of Tallahassee, showing clips of him bragging of his latest conquests, and the rest of the male population here just seems to follow suit. Now, we all know the bewitching hour for the average f**kboy is any time after 12 a.m. when he hits you with that “wyd” text. However, it really all starts at the beginning of the night with that one little pickup line that he thinks is so smooth, so clever, but in reality isn’t.
I’ve gotten it all – from being asked for my number to “babysit” someone’s dog (like who really babysits a dog?), having a guy try to convince me that he bought me a y-bomb when everyone and their mother knows I only drink tequila sunrises when I go out, to my all-time personal favorite, being asked if my bangs were clip-ons. For the record, boys, no, they’re not clip-ons. This is my actual hair. In an age of swooping being every f**kboys end goal and Juul fiends practically everywhere, I know I’m not alone. So, from friends and other members of our Her Campus chapter, here’s a list of some of the best worst pickup lines and late-night texts sent to us by our favorite Tally f**kboys over the years.
1.
Courtesy: Michelle Abraira
2. “You’re pretty for a redhead.”
3. “What f**ks like a tiger and blinks really fast?” *proceeds to blink rapidly*
4.
Courtesy: Facebook
5. “Do you do blow?”
One word: classy.
6.
Courtesy: Michelle Abraira
“Smoke/beer pong/chill” As tempting as guys like to think that sounds to us girls, it’s a no.
7.
Courtesy: Brittany Files
Who said chivalry was dead?
8.
Courtesy: Facebook
9. “I don’t know if you’ve heard this before, but your tits look really nice.”
10. “So, how tall ARE you?”
11.
Courtesy: Michelle Abraira
2:16 am? You lived two floors above me and it’s still a hard pass.
12. “Can I be your boyfriend just for tonight?”
13. “Let’s count shoulders. One, two,” *pointing at his shoulders* “three, four,” *putting his arm around my shoulders*
14.
Courtesy: Facebook
15. “So, are you a weed and cocaine girl, or an acid and shrooms girl?”
16. “How long has it been since you’ve gotten d***?”
17.
Courtesy: Brittany Files
18. “I lost my number. Can I have yours?”
Let me know how this even logically made sense in your mind before you said this to a girl.
19.
Courtesy: Michelle Abraira
So, ladies, beware of the Tally f**kboy and remember, your soulmate isn’t at the McDonald’s outside of TENN or the Taco Bell on Tennessee at 2 a.m.