At a bar two weeks ago, I was sitting with a couple of girlfriends, sipping our drinks and making light conversation. We were paying no mind to the rest of the venue, but something drew him to us. In a moment, a large hand appeared on my back, right where my tank top revealed the little skin I had the courage to let free. The hand was placed so confidently, with such ease, that I immediately assumed it to be someone I knew. But the voice was unfamiliar, the face as old as my father’s, the intention subtle but threatening. We asked him to remove his hand. He didn’t. We asked him to leave us be. He didn’t. At least, not for about 5 minutes.
Such an interaction is so common between men and women that I’m sure a group would read this and consider it inconvenient at most. However, the situation never really ends when his hand is removed.
What prolonged the discomfort, the anxiety, was the threatening stare of his red-faced friends, the indirect comments on our appearance and coldness, the sudden awareness at how small I was in comparison to so many men.
My friends and I put on a brave face, acted as if it didn’t bother us, but as soon as we got to the bathroom, our bodies folded in on themselves — cringed from the world. We don’t blame ourselves for dressing in lighter spring attire and having a good time in public, but I know that I felt like throwing on a sweater and crawling in bed.
Something so subtle, so commonplace made me realize how fortunate I’ve been thus far when going out with friends, but also how much more “careful” I’ll be in the future. I’ll sit on the edge of my stool. I’ll always keep a sweater nearby. I’ll frown at any man that I make unwanted eye contact with.
His hand is still there, but it’s fading. I can’t fathom how long other body parts would linger had that been my experience.
Predators: Your touch is no longer invited. Your grasp is no longer flirtatious. Your gaze is not comforting. Be aware that this hunting ground you stalk is changing. Your tactics are ineffective on the rising generation. Please remove your hand. Now.