My first time was not marked with the traditional awkward giggles and
uncomfortable noises. I was date raped in my college dorm as a freshman. Since then, I’ve had to relearn everything I thought I knew about virginity and the whole concept of a first time. I am a New Mexican, so I like to tell people I lost my virginity when I found out chips and salsa isn’t a healthy midnight snack. When I travel, I like to joke that it’s when I discovered the United States isn’t the center of the universe. I have all sorts of quips about virginity but underneath the humor there is a sad kernel of truth. I’ll never have those memories, and I’ll never know what it’s like to experience sex for the first time. While I’ve mostly come to terms with these facts, there’s another thing I learned. Virginity does not matter. If you are saving it for marriage, good for you. If you have been sleeping with your partner since high school, good for you. If you are scared of sex, it’s totally understandable. If you are lesbian or bisexual or anything of the sort and your first experience was with someone of the same sex, you can define your virginity however you want! Things like this are not black and white. You are not a crumpled up flower, and you certainly have not been taken for a test drive. You are not an object and, virgin or not, you are worth more than your sexuality. No one can take your self worth away from you, or for a matter of fact, give it to you. I recently saw a couple on Instagram that waited until their wedding day to kiss. To me, this concept is ridiculous, but for them it made their wedding day even more special. Just because I will never do something like that does not mean that I am less “pure” or worth less than anyone else, just like they are not prudish or crazy for waiting to kiss. Lose the judgment that has been ingrained in your psyche and remember that your body is feared. Men fear the power women have to create life, and are oppressed because of this. We have the power of the universe in our uterus, and every time someone shames you for your sexuality expressions remember that there are thousands of years of systematic oppression in our way and yet we still have the strength to get up every day and fight for our rights in a man’s world. No one should get in the way of a woman’s ability to receive her degree or land that dream job. Trauma will heal and the sun will rise again.
If you are 20 years old and are saving your first kiss for the altar, or you just haven’t found the right person or moment yet, you should not be ashamed. If you are 18 and your “body count” is in the double digits, nobody has any right to make you feel guilty or wrong. Having bodily autonomy is a gift and as women in the twenty first century, our bodies are our business. There have been a lot of discussions about how women should “respect themselves” on campus lately, and my message to all of my fellow collegiate is this: respect yourself how you see fit. If you are on a journey of self discovery, experiment! If you are reclaiming your body like I am, get that piercing you always wanted. Never forget that you are your own boss, and that the prettiest thing a girl can be is confident and happy.