You were friends and now you’re not: it can happen in the blink of an eye. Now you’ve got bad blood with people you’re forced to see every single day. It may just make you want to hole up in your room and avoid everyone at all costs. But that won’t cut it in college. Sometimes we’re forced to work and interact with individuals we can’t stand.
You may be thinking, how can friendship be swept aside so easily? Here are a few tips on how to deal with having to see people you are no longer on speaking terms with.
Accept that the Friendship is Over
Losing a friend is like going through a bad breakup. You have to accept the friendship is over and move on. You can’t force people to be close. If they want to reconcile, they will. But for now, you’ve got to let go and keep moving.
Focus on the friend group you still have. It will be hard (and you may need a few tubs of ice cream). But eventually the sting of the loss will disappear. And if that person was toxic, they did you a favor. It’s ok to let go of people who brought you unhappiness. Sometimes we have to be selfish and consider what is best for us.
Try to think of the positives. There are many, many people on campus. You can meet new people through clubs, campus events and even in class. Don’t sweat it if you have trouble meeting new people. Others are nervous to reach out and try just like you. The right people will come along when you least expect it. You’re strong and independent. New friends will come around with time. This time, though, you’ll be all the more wiser for knowing where your true friends lie.
Keep Doing Things That You Enjoy
More often than not, you and your friend will try an activity or a club together. Then when you have a falling out, you wonder if it’s worth continuing that activity because you’ll have to see them. The answer is yes: it is worth it. Don’t give up something you like to do just for the sake of avoiding someone. They aren’t worth it. Put yourself first, as hard as that may seem to do.
And as I said before, you may even meet other friends through the club. Common interests are a great way to connect with people and blossom a new friendship. And I know what you’re thinking: what do I do about classes? Keep going to them. Your grade should not be destroyed for anyone. You’re working hard for your degree; don’t sacrifice it for one person who is no longer in your life.
Be the Bigger Person
It’s human nature to want to get some kind of revenge on a person who has done you wrong. But being petty for the sake of it isn’t a good way to spend your time. It’ll be hard to walk by your so-called friend on the quad and not roll your eyes, or give them a dirty look. But what will you get from that? It certainly won’t bring their friendship back. And all you’ll be doing is feeding more fuel to the fire. Sometimes in life we have to evaluate and realize that kind of behavior won’t fly in the real world. High school is over, and adulthood has begun. So relax and ignore them. Over time they’ll become a stranger on the street. If your friend decides to act immature though, just ignore it. They want to act like a child and that’s their choice. Move on from it.
Remember Your Worth
A lot of times we question if we really even matter after someone decides to leave our lives. Ex-friends can make us question our own significance in the world. But step back and reevaluate. You are still an amazing person with a whole lot of potential. And the right friends will come along. It does take time though. Being patient is worth it—before you know it, your new bestie will be hanging with you in no time. You don’t have to necessarily forget the good times you had with your old friend. But you also don’t have to deprive yourself of making new memories. It is ok to move on. You are not a bad person for it.
What About Making Up?
Sometimes it’s possible to “get back together” with the friend you had a falling out with. Great! The key is communication; no one can read minds. Your thoughts won’t be known unless you make them clear. But it’s also important to listen and understand when the time comes. A friendship is a two way street: you both have to work together to make it work. And if in the end you can’t find a way to move past the bump in your friendship, it’s ok to move on. You can only fix something that wants to be fixed. Don’t try to force it, or give up any compromises. They need to be willing to meet your needs as well. You deserve someone who is willing to be able to hear your needs and come up with a solution that benefits both of you. It may seem a little awkward after the make-up, as if you’re uncertain as how to proceed. It’s ok. Just keep everything casual and hang out together. Eventually your trust and relationship will be built back up, and you’ll be back to normal in no time.
Hopefully something here is helpful to your recent friendship loss. Now you can confidently march across campus without fear of awkward confrontation. Don’t let yourself be intimidated by anyone. You can do this, and no one can stand in the way of the amazing things you’re going to accomplish.