Throughout my two years at college, I’ve come to learn that who you surround yourself with is important. If you surround yourself with negative people, you will constantly be surrounded by negativity and it will stunt your growth. The transition takes a lot of work and self-awareness. It requires consistently checking yourself and comes with the realization that you will outgrow certain people and things. Since realizing this, I have not only surrounded myself with more positive people, but I have started my growing process.
Self growth is NOT easy by any means. When I came to terms with who I was as a person at a certain point, it was an awful feeling— I can’t blame anyone else for my own actions or words, I can only blame myself, but I can admit that having people entertain that poor behavior absolutely did not help— I acquainted myself with people who were toxic, all they did was tear other people down, especially women. I can’t sit here and act like I wasn’t a part of it because I was. To this day it’s still something I regret. Since then I have been in a constant state of “unlearning” these toxic behaviors. I have been trying to make amends for the person I allowed myself to be and let me tell you, it is NOT easy. What I can say, though, is that it is one of the most rewarding feelings in the world to acknowledge your wrongdoings and to try to make up for them, not only for the person you have wronged, but for yourself.
Trying to grow requires consistent work. You have to check toxic behaviors, try to reframe certain mindsets, and to be quite honest with yourself, it’s like a consistent internal battle. You’re conditioned to react one way, but you have to force yourself to react another way. As I mentioned earlier, it is most definitely not easy. In fact, it’s probably THE single hardest thing I have ever had to do, hands down, but taking steps to become a better person is gratifying.
Everyone has their own personal journey with growth, but what I have found to be one of the key elements for myself is letting go of past grudges and things that no longer affect my life. Holding onto that baggage leaves hatred in your heart that doesn’t need to exist and will only stop you from growing. So I let go, allowing myself to focus my attention on more important things. Not only does holding grudges consistently leave you in a constant state of dissatisfaction with your life, but it never truly allows you to be free. So my first step became exactly that: forgiving everyone who has wronged me in life so I could focus my attention on trying to become a better person.
I’m satisfied with the progress I have made so far, it may be small, but baby steps are still steps. You never really stop growing, but the direction you grow in makes a world of a difference.