If you are reading this, chances are the title attracted you — and well, I don’t blame you. Sex is great. Hands down, it is one of my top favourite things to do. Well, I guess I like doing it with my hands up, too — but you get the point.
For me, sex is second only to my greatest love: food. I suppose friends and family are alright, too!
While sex is great, it’s CASUAL sex that I am here to talk about. And I mean the no strings attached, no feelings, no relationship, casual sex. It’s like a business transaction, where an individual goes through with a one-night stand or a fling with someone that they have no intention of being in a relationship with. It is mutually beneficial, because of its one objective: physical satisfaction.
But it’s not for everyone. It IS for me though and I want to share with you some of the lessons I have learned and advice I can give after dipping my toes into the pool of meaningless sex:
1. You do you, Boo.
If you have decided to go home with someone from the bar or you are considering hooking up with somebody that you have no feelings for, then you shouldn’t be worried about what other people are going to think. It’s your life and, more importantly, it’s your body to do with as you please. Of course, you can’t stop other people from judging; just remember that while they may throw shade at you for exploring your own sexuality, it’s probably because they are insecure themselves or they are just ignorant. People’s egos have a tendency to make them forget that just because they don’t agree with something it isn’t necessarily wrong. Regardless of whether or not you want your friends there to support you on your sexy journey, you should always surround yourself with positive people who are going to encourage self-improvement, rather than demanding you be someone you don’t want to be. Be confident with yourself and remember that it is YOUR body — and YOU are in control of it.
2. Saying “no.”
You are out with the girls — or the guys — and you just want to get some. You scope out the crowd, looking for any potential conquests and you spot the one — so you shoot your shot. Progress is being made, you’ve been nailing him with the “I-want-to-bang-you-against-the-wall-right-here-right-now” look and it’s only a matter of minutes before he approaches you. But then he gets closer. Or he opens his mouth to speak. Or he smells a certain way. Or he makes you feel uncomfortable — in any way — and suddenly you don’t want him anymore. But you start thinking things like “oh my god, I’m a tease” or “maybe I’m just anxious.” It doesn’t matter: you could have just gotten buck-ass naked and are ready to hump the brain cells out of each other — if you suddenly decide you do not want to go through with the hook up for whatever reason, you have EVERY right to say no.
3. Safety first, satisfaction second.
If you’re having heterosexual sex, use condoms. Not only do they prevent unwanted pregnancies, they also prevent unwanted infections and diseases. This is especially important for girls! STI’s can be extremely dangerous with many side effects, including the possibility of cancer. If it’s not caught early enough, it can even lead to infertility. Basically, don’t let a guy talk you out of using one.
4. Let’s talk about egos.
There is a lot of stigma around women and casual sex. There are a lot of misogynistic views that women’s “feelings” get in the way and they can’t handle “no string’s attached” relationships. I call bullshit. From my own personal experience and from the experiences of a lot of close friends, gender does not have anything to do with a person’s ability to have casual, meaningless sex. It depends on the person. I have hooked up with several guys in the past who have wanted more than I was willing to give and never once have I developed feelings for someone who I am hooking up with — and I am a girl. As well, there are a lot of dudes out there with the idiotic belief that if they sleep with a girl more than once — or maybe three times max — then they are going to catch feelings. BUDDY, chances are you aren’t that great, you just think you are. While I am down for one night stands, if a guy is a great smash then chances are I wouldn’t mind doing it again. But I’ve had quite a few guys either never reply to a message or list off a series of excuses as to why they can’t hang out, all because they think that I feel some type of way for them. Trust me: I don’t.
5. Communication
I would like to add on to the last point. To avoid any confusion, sometimes it’s easier just to address the elephant in the room with the person you are intending to hook up with. For me, I use humour to lighten the situation and will just ask something like — “yo, are we going to hump and dump each other or do we want to bump uglies on the regular?” Make sure they understand you don’t care either way, because people are dumb and will just assume that by you asking, that you want this to be “more.” It’s all bullshit, I tell you. Why can’t sex just be sex and you move on?
Basically, the point I’m trying to make is that anyone can have casual sex. Even though there are occasionally some stupid unspoken rules or just dumb people in general that you will have to deal with, it can be done no matter who you are. It depends on the person.