Before I went off “the deep end” as my mother would say, I had only experienced sex with a significant other that I had been with for the long-term and was in love with until that was, long story short, over – and I was ready to experience sex with neither one of those things tied to it. Holding off until prom was no longer ideal for me, nor was having another serious boyfriend, but I craved the intimacy and, to be quite blunt, the sex. As women in society, we are more allowed to express ourselves, but there is a stigma of women who have casual sex, whereas men get a high five and are admired for it. Well, I call bullshit. If you want to wait for that special someone I admire that! If you want to have casual, crazy sex I admire that too, but coming from someone who has experienced both ends of the spectrum, there are some things you might want to know before taking that next step.
1.) Do not shy away from being completely honest and safe
Something can be hard to talk about with a new partner is practicing safe sex and discussing other sexual partners. It can be awkward and uncomfortable to bring up the question, “When was the last time you were tested?” or the famous, “Hw many sexual partners have you had? When was the last time?” But being honest with your casual sex buddy is crucial; it is important to keep yourself safe as well as your new sex partner. Casual sex does not have strings attached, so that does give you and your new pal free reins to have sex with others as you both please. If you are going to be completely naked and vulnerable with someone, practice and talk about safe sex with one another. This is always worth talking about!
2.) Make sure you can handle that this is not about love.
It is easy to start to feel deeper feelings for someone when you share that intimacy with one another, but do not get lust and intimacy mixed with falling in love. Having casual sex is not for everyone, especially when you know you will be more prone to getting attached than they will. If you are going to have a sex buddy make sure you go in with an open mind with no strings. Of course, it is not unheard of falling in love with your friends with benefits, but don’t go into it thinking that they will end up carrying you away on a white horse with birds singing in the background.
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3.) Don’t let them screw you.
HYPOTHETICALLY. I thought the title was fitting. But on a serious level, just because you and your partner are not serious does not mean that gives them more of a right to treat you with disrespect or make you feel any less of how great you are. Having casual sex is supposed to be fun and a confidence booster, do not lose sight of how you should be treated just because it isn’t official.
4.) Pillow talk shouldn’t be the only communication
Don’t be afraid to bring some seriousness into the fun. All sex should be consensual and enjoyable. The fun thing about having casual sex is experimenting and finding out what you like or don’t like. Be straightforward with your emotions, that way there is never a gray area in between. Always speak your mind if you don’t enjoy what your partner is doing.
5.) Relax and let go
Having sex with someone new can be intimidating. Your mind can make you overthink things like, “what if I’m not good enough at this” or, “what if they don’t find me sexy?” But the fun thing about casual sex is that it’s supposed to be fun and stress free. Let your hair down and do whatever feels right, experiment! Letting yourself go and trying things you never thought you would is the best part of it all.