You First: Why You Don’t Need to “Find Yourself”
I want to preface this article by saying I have never liked the prospect of “finding yourself.” It’s not that I’m an opponent of personal growth, I just dislike the wording. I think the way we phrase things is crucial to how we view them. For example, there’s a difference between, “I’m angry,” which is more of a character attribute and, “I am feeling angry.” Can you spot the difference?
Let’s say that you are both your house and yourself- the person living in the house. Your body is your home. Think of all the time you spend with yourself; it makes sense that the relationship you have with yourself is the one from which every other relationship in your life will stem. Thus, it’s important you take care of yourself first. So – mind the wording, forget finding yourself, and think about renovating yourself!
Let me explain how this makes a difference.
You are right here!
You might be feeling lost, but you have not lost yourself, thus you can’t just go find yourself. You are right here. Clench your fists, scratch your skin, look in the mirror and examine your fact, whatever it takes to make you feel real. Tangible. Grounded. You are just as real as anyone else who is here, trying their best to survive and feel happy, too. You are no different, lesser, or greater. You are here, and if you are here, then you don’t need to find yourself. I understand there is a physical and metaphysical definition of being present, but for now, let’s keep it simple. Modern mindfulness and meditation is all about being mentally present where we are physically present, and I think becoming aware of our senses and surroundings is a good place to start. If you’re sitting down, feel the soles of your feet flat on the ground and feel the weight of your body as you sink into your chair.
Instead of phrasing it as “searching” for our “true selves” in a dark, scary abyss, I prefer to think of it as rebuilding, remodeling, or renovating ourselves. This way, it is understood that we are made up of both the past and present and future. Searching for something holds the implication that it is currently nonexistent, and like I’ve reiterated, you are right here! Front and center. We have the power to revise our lives. Pretty catchy, huh?
Everything you think you need to find is already in you
That’s right- everything you are looking for is in you already, whether in theory or in practice. Even if it’s an aspiration, have you ever heard the saying, “If you can dream it, you can do it”? Just because you’re stuck in a rut or want to dive into your next phase of metamorphosis, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t appreciate all that you are now and how far you have already come. Don’t disregard what you do have in search of what you wish you had.
I’m convinced that if something exists inside of you, you can achieve whatever goal you have should you put your mind to it. If you keep your head down, plough through all the bullshit that will no doubt try and veer you off your path, you will get to where you want to go. It won’t be easy all the time, but it will be worth it in the end when you can sigh and think, “Look at what I just did.” The best part is proving to yourself that you, in fact, can and will and did do something that you didn’t think you were capable of. All you have to do is start.
xx, Britt