I’m a firm believer that the self goes above all else and that you shouldn’t have to say sorry for a number of things. Such things being canceling plans, forgetting things, having a bad day, etc. Accountability is the worst and most of the time, the guilt builds up even though it shouldn’t have been there in the first place.
However, there are times where accountability is necessary and it can be extremely difficult to own up to our faults and recognize that our actions and words may be hurting someone. Even if we didn’t mean it, that hurt still exists and we need to recognize that.
That’s not to say that it’s easy. We are told all the time that humans aren’t perfect and we make mistakes, but once we get caught up in our own, it’s almost unbearable. We think to ourselves: I’m a decent, open-minded, respectable person. How is it possible that I’ve hurt someone without even realizing it? It can’t be true! But oh, it can.
You aren’t in charge of how other people feel. Their hurt and anger is completely valid whether or not it’s directed at you. Let them be angry. Let them curse you out and tell you that what you said or did made them feel like shit. This is so important because it’s the truth. It will be hard to hear but you’ve got to give them at least that.
Surprisingly enough, it’s so easy for us as students to say that we didn’t study or took an L on an exam. A majority of us are willing to say we relate to the feeling of not being ready for a test or procrastinating on an assignment because our faults in this scenario don’t affect anyone but ourselves. People messing up in social situations on the other hand, while they aren’t alone in feeling this way, are affecting the wellbeing of someone else.
It takes a lot of courage to say I was wrong, I was ignorant, or I was unprepared. The only way to overcome this is by hearing what people say, accepting that you did or said something hurtful, and working to make sure you don’t do it again. This is how we learn to become professionals in our careers and hobbies.
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Remember, you are a good person, and it’s wonderful that you strive to do good things. But be wary of getting stuck in your own head because then you’ll be in danger of not paying attention to how others feel. Or even worse, you’ll learn things from the world that look like they’re okay to you, but they’re hurting someone’s feelings somewhere else. Do the difficult thing, listen to those around you, and be aware. Spread real love.