We all know relationships aren’t easy and this generation doesn’t make them look too appealing. But, I’m here to inform you that all hope isn’t lost. In this day in age, you hear more about toxic relationships whether than healthy relationships, which is quite sad if you ask me. However, YOUR relationship doesn’t have to fall victim under the ‘regularly reported toxic relationship’ column. That’s why I’m here to give you 5 tips on how to maneuver through the rocky times, persevere, and develop a few characteristics of a healthy relationship. So listen up.
1. Communication
Listen to understand and NOT to respond.
What I mean by that is, don’t only listen to give a rebuttal, but listen to the other person because you actually want to hear them out and understand where they’re coming from. Majority of the time, if you listen to understand someone whether than cut them off, overtalk them, or just listen to respond, the situation at hand will never get solved and it’ll just be two individuals bickering back and forth. What the other person says may be valuable for your ears to hear and vice versa. Take a moment and just listen and ask that they give you the same respect. I promise the disagreement can end quickly, calmly, and successfully. Most of the time, more than half of relationships fail due to a lack of communication skills.
2. Trust
It’s easier said than done.
One thing I’ve noticed about this generation is the phrase “trust issues” is thrown around quite frequently. Majority of the time, the people who always say they have them really don’t. They’re usually the ones doing the dirt and accusing the other person of doing the things they’re doing only to feel better about themselves. However, it is hard to trust people, no lie there, but you have to learn how to trust the right people. Trusting your significant other can be hard (especially in today’s relationships) but that’s just a step you have to be willing to take. Especially if you love that person. I know this sounds cliché, but seriously, if you don’t have trust, you have nothing. Let’s be honest, if you don’t trust your partner should you really be with them? You absolutely HAVE to trust your significant other. If not, the relationship will immediately go south. Instead of snooping through his or her phone, stalking them, and always wanting to be with them every waking second, just relax and allow them to have their own life without worrying what they’re doing behind closed doors. It’ll take the stress off of both of you. After he or she comes in from a long night with their friends or by themselves, don’t interrogate them or ask for their phone, instead ask how their day was and go from there. Always remember, what’s done in the dark will always come to the light.
3. Dedication
You have to be willing to put in the time guys and gworls.
You have to be dedicated to a lot of things and if you’re in a relationship, that’s one of them. I’m not saying invest all your time into that one person and forget your life ever existed, but be dedicated to helping your relationship flourish and grow. If you see a problem, speak up (with the right approach), if your partner is doing something that bothers you, speak up (also with the right approach), and if you feel like you guys need to work on something, speak up (once again.. with the right approach). Don’t be afraid of being invested in your relationship. Just always remember to not make someone your top priority especially in college, but make time for the people you care about. This goes for friends and relationships. And if the other person doesn’t seem as invested as you, cut them off. With NO hesitation. Okkkuurt!
4. Space
No. Not the Solar System. Even though it’s quite interesting.
Ah. Space. The magic but deadly word. What does “space” really mean? I’m glad you asked. Space means exactly what it means. SPACE. You have to give each other SPACE. When you and your significant other have the ‘talk’ about “personal” space. Just know they don’t mean any harm. I promise. It’s always good to have a life outside of your significant other (as stated in tip 2). Remember, their friends are not your friends, their life is not your life, their phone is not your phone, and their hobbies are not your hobbies and so on. BOTH of you are individuals so act as such. If your significant other wants to go out with their friends or a friend, let them. If your significant other doesn’t feel like being on the phone one night, allow them that right. If your significant other asks for, you guessed it, the magic word, “space,” be respectful and give them that. Their life does not revolve around you and vice versa. Learn to enjoy your own company. Unless it is a long distance relationship, you guys also do not have to talk 24/7 throughout the day. If you both aren’t busy that day, great. Spend some time together or do your own thing while still communicating with each other. If you two know you’re both going to be busy shoot a good morning text, let the person know what’s up and that you’ll speak to them whenever you get a chance and wish them a good day. Don’t double text, call multiple times, or send multiple texts. Juuuust relax.
5. Understanding
This is top 5.. annnd it’s clearly number 5.
You ever had those “wooow. I never thought of it like that” moments? Oh, you haven’t? Go figure. You probably haven’t had one of those because you only like to hear yourself talk and you don’t want to hear anyone else’s point of view. Well, sis. That’s not cute. Cut it OUT. When being in a relationship, you HAVE to have an understanding. Understanding helps sets boundaries, opens your eyes to other perspectives, and allow you to understand things about yourself you probably didn’t even notice before. Understanding is essential in a healthy relationship because it sets the tone between you and the other person. Why wouldn’t you want to understand your significant other? Don’t you care about their perspectives and feelings? Don’t you want to have a clear cut understanding of the situations you all discuss? Yes? Then learn how to really listen, ask questions, come to a conclusion, and understand.
Well, that’s all for now. Hopefully, this motivated you all to really sit back and think about if your relationship is really healthy or if you’re just going through the motions. Noticed some toxic traits about yourself or your partner? Try to fix them within yourself and sit down with your partner too! Until next time.
– HCXO