It is hard to believe that kids are still being bullied. Through the years, I have watched hundreds of movies and TV shows that portray bullying, but I have never experienced anything that looks like what I’ve seen on screen. Perhaps I’ve had the privilege not to have grown up in an area that was so obvious about it. However, I think it is more likely that television has brought to light old forms of bullying. I think the reality is that today’s bullying looks a lot more subtle.
It’s friends who tease each other, and more often than not it is because of miseducation or unquestioned beliefs. For instance, many kids are ridiculed for being gay. I remember middle school, littered with memories of friends calling each other “gay” like it was meant to harm their self-esteem. What was more strange is that all the boys were extremely touchy. During one school trip in which we spent the night, I was wrestling with four boys in a bed. Afterward, we lay sprawled out and intertwined and mark my words there were some wandering hands. But homosexuality was not prevalent in many of our lives. All relationships that were talked about in teachers lives and on our own were heterosexual.
How did it come to be that “gay” was associated with “stupid” or “dumb?” Whatever the case, it was, ingrained in my peers minds that it wasn’t okay to be attracted to the same sex.
In hindsight, I can see the damage caused by “subtle” bullying. Being chubby in middle school or having a funny name lead to uninterrupted abuse from other children. I am not proud to say that on many occasions I went right along with everyone else. “Yo mama” jokes were in and we went on back and forth until it hurt. We were cruel.
High school was worse. People were now better friends and further enveloped in certain groups or belief systems. Teachers always seemed willing to help, but teenagers knew when and where they could get away with cruelty. From what I remember, bullying it was never physical, but words still hurt, and often times they’re remembered forever. Shane Koyczan, a Canadian poet, has a line from his poem “Porkchop” that sums this up perfectly:
“Surrounded by people who used to say
That rhyme about sticks and stones
As if broken bones
Hurt more than the names we got called
And we got called them all
So we grew up believing no one
Would ever fall in love with us
That we’d be lonely forever”
Since attending a four-year university and being surrounded by a multitude of identities and beliefs, I have come to see the faults of my past. I always wondered if people who are asses know that they’re asses. After analyzing myself I have come to learn that no, they do not always know. Sure I was called names as a kid, but I turned around and left a trail of names behind me. I realize that I couldbe a jerk. I feel terrible about all the kids I was mean to and have forgiven many of my own bullies. Having learned so much at this point in my life, I had forgotten that nothing has really changed. Kids can still be cruel.
On January 21, a 10-year-old boy committed suicide in Houston due to bullying at school. It’s scary to realize that kids are thinking about these things. What is it going to take to put an end to bullying — in all of its forms?