In my experience, the people who don’t see #MenAreTrash as valid are often the same ones who think that feminism is striving for “male oppression” rather than equality. #MenAreTrash, a movement which started trending in South Africa in 2017, is often criticized by men as being offensive and a generalisation. I have pointed out to many men who have tried to mansplain the issue to me that this movement is not about the individual, nor is it even about men, but is instead about womxn’s experiences.
One of my biggest issues with men complaining about #MenAreTrash is that that’s all it is: a hashtag. It’s not an attack on individuals, but a criticism of patriarchal structures and misogyny. Yes, of course it doesn’t feel good to be generalised or to have a part of your identity equated with something negative, but the point is not to feel comfortable. My understanding of the movement is that it serves to make men realise that simply being a “good guy” is not enough – we need all men to call one another out for their harmful actions against womxn, (whether intentional or not), their complicity in the violent and misogynistic actions of other men, and the abuse of their privilege. The hashtag also drives conversation away from victim-blaming and “what womxn can do to protect themselves” and instead towards “what can we as men do to be better, so that womxn don’t have to fear us?”. Men who react with outrage instead of trying to understand the position of those criticizing them are refusing to acknowledge their privilege, and the sad irony is that men dismissing womxn’s perspectives and concerns is a part of what this movement is fighting against.
I also think it’s fair to say that the issues that many womxn regularly face at the hands of men – in particular, the multifaceted issues of gender-based violence such as those we have been protesting – are far more serious than a bruised ego.
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There are men who, when presented with this movement, have taken up the challenge of reflecting on their actions and trying to improve. If a man wants to know how to treat womxn better or genuinely does not understand the purpose of the movement, I am usually happy to have a conversation with them about it in order to potentially bring about some change. But it is not only womxn who should be informing men and having these discussions.
I encourage everyone to take up the discourse about #MenAreTrash and similar movements if they have the energy. However, many men only want to speak defensively on this topic and are not willing to engage with it in an open-minded way. We all know that trying to explain a contentious issue with someone who refuses to listen is usually a draining, disappointing, and frankly infuriating experience, so don’t feel like you have to engage every time a man wants to make this movement about himself. Whether or not men approve of it, womxn can continue to use #MenAreTrash to criticize their problematic behaviour – this movement is not theirs for the taking.