Who is Greta Jones and why do dentists hate her? Much animosity is held towards Jones, a 23 year-old lifestyle blogger, who’s receiving death threats from seething dentists everywhere. After posting an infographic on Pinterest about the whitening effects of charcoal and cyanide on teeth, Jones received much public craze for revealing this tantalizing tip. Dentists everywhere sunk to their knees in desolation — their #3 procedure had been rendered needless and obsolete by this University of Arizona graduate’s post.
However, that was only the first step of her master plan.
“She’s ruined my life — everything that gave me meaning in life has been destroyed,” cried out Dr. Aberkian, a Phoenix-based dentist. Aberkian was the only live victim of Jones’ third attack, his wife — and more importantly, his prize-winning labradoodle, being stabbed by the communications major.
“She burnt down my house — m-my children were still in there,” Larry Slervitz, a 16-year practicing orthopedist, said through tears. “Also — I’m not a dentist; I’m an orthopedist. Please make the distinction” clarified Slervitz, hands placed firmly on his hips as he continuously sobbed.
Police are still on the search for Greta Jones. She was last seen in a Madison, Wisconsin Anthropologie on September 14th, posting a puppy-dog filtered Instagram post, captioned “Just killed a 5-person household. Felt cute, might delete later :P”, tagging her location as “Cabo 2019”. Jones’ body-count has increased to 27, her path of destruction leaving only ash and trauma behind. More eerily, all of Jones’ activities occur at 2:30 P.M, more commonly known in the dentistry field as “tooth hurty”.
The American Dental Association (A.D.A) has posted a public plea for Jones to stop her rampage, begging for a cease to the blood-laden madness. Internal drama within the organization was leaked in e-mails, chairperson Samuel Atkins telling subordinates that “…we CANNOT negotiate with terrorists. This is how they win.”
Law enforcement are still unsure about Jones’ motives. Family and friends of the woman say that she’s a “…quirky girl” and that the murders are most likely “her expressing herself in an unconventional way”. Whatever her motives may be, one thing is certain — she’s creating bodily cavities that will need more than a dentist to fix.
Please contact your local police station if you have any tips on her whereabouts.