As you walk up the staircase at my house and around the corner to the living room you are immediately struck by the trophy shelves. You see “BIG EAST Lacrosse finalist” and “FAA soccer Champion Can Am Cup” Gold medals. As you scan across, you’ll be struck by the size of the trophies, but eventually you will notice a steep decline. You see, in the shadow of the first-place trophies that my siblings won, are the tiny participation trophies. You know, the ones you get for just showing up. These trophies epitomize my athletic experience.
I have to give myself some credit since there are a few of my trophies sprinkled into their section when I at least had the pleasure of warming the bench for skilled players, but the majority of mine were for showing up. Some of you probably hate the idea of participation trophies. You believe kids should work for trophies. Well, I am here to tell you that some of us work as hard as we can, but gold isn’t exactly in our reach. In the literal sense it probably was in my reach.. Not much isn’t when you’re 6 feet tall. But I could never establish myself as an athlete.
There isn’t much you have full control over as a child. When we grow older though, most kids at least develop control of their own bodies. They proudly reach milestones like learning to bike and tying their own shoes. As an infant, I suffered from an eye condition called nystagmus, an uncontrollable fluttering of the eyes which resulted in poor vision and depth perception that greatly affected my coordination. I wore glasses from the time I was in a crib, and I spent years in state-provided occupational therapy learning to control my body. While my friends were learning how to throw and kick a ball, I took lessons to do basic tasks like tying my shoes and walking properly.
These physical challenges made my childhood difficult, but I overcame them through a combination of my strong will power and also adapting myself to sports and positions where I could be successful. I never discussed this with my peers and never used it as an excuse because I wanted to fit in the athletic centric town that is my home of Darien, CT. I tried everything I could to fit this image, even trying sports that exposed my weaknesses- prime examples being lacrosse and softball. As a clumsy tall girl with a visual impairment, as the speed of the ball increased, so did my fear of it, and thus my time with these sports ended when the house league did.
One of the sports that I started late was crew. Throughout my life, I was told that I was built to excel at crew. My godfather, an Olympic rower, told me that my long wingspan would give me a natural edge over my peers. I put a lot of pressure on myself to excel when I got to Pomfret. The beginning of my crew career was a trial and error period as my coach told me that I looked like a giraffe learning to row. But throughout my rowing career at Pomfret, I moved up in boats and learned how to row effectively. This isn’t to say that it was not challenging. I had the raw strength, but I struggled to row with finesse, and I still do. Crew does not require coordination or strong vision because you just look at the person in front of you and do the same actions.. over and over.. and over again.
But it’s not as easy as it sounds, and it does require attention to detail and the ability to isolate parts of your body and row with grace. I have struggled throughout my rowing career to row consistently, and I am constantly reminded of my lack of coordination. That being said, I always remind myself that nobody thought I would be here. Everyone counted me out of any athletic success, and at one point, this led me to count myself out. But I convinced myself to shoot for it.
I reached out to the Colby Crew coach, Stew Stokes, the summer before my freshman year to ask about trying out. I trained hard over the summer to come in fit and prove myself on the team. I thought my transition to Colby would be easier if I was a part of a team and I wanted some structure in my day. I knew I would struggle to motivate myself to go to the gym without a team incentive, and I wanted to do my best to stay healthy and not put on the freshman 15. I also love the feeling of working hard for my teammates and help the team win. Crew is both very mentally and very physically taxing. I have learned that the mental aspect is what sets me apart. I have the body type to be a successful rower, but I think my ability to get myself to push harder when I feel like I can’t row anymore has allowed me to get to this level.
Colby Crew has been a huge part of my transition to Colby and an integral part of my college experience. I have enjoyed my time on the team, and I love my teammates like family. There are tough workouts in which I remind myself of what I have done to get here and push forward. I still consider myself a NARP (Non Athletic Regular Person) I don’t consider myself athletic, and I don’t think being on a team automatically makes one an excellent athlete. Being on the team has not stripped me of my NARP status. Still, it has allowed me to gain confidence in my abilities as a strong, empowered woman, and given me hope that I can continue to get physically and mentally stronger.