College is a time where people tend to grow, learn new things, and challenge their beliefs. I found that at the start of my college career, I was firmly Christian. I tried to go to mass. I believed in God. I participated in faith-based service. It was easy to maintain my Catholic roots at JCU because of its Jesuit affiliation and religious classes, clubs, and activities. Over time, however, my faith in Christianity and organized religion in general, faded. As I reflect on the past few years, I found that there wasn’t one defining event where I said “I’m done,” but rather a series of small moments that built up.
The next major hurdle I faced was with the encounters I had with other students. At first, it was small comments made by Christian-enthusiasts. They were often targeted at minority and marginalized groups as well as general college gossip. Honestly, I was expecting this wherever I chose to attend college, but I wasn’t aware of how much it would affect me. Immersion trips are another reason that I began to question my beliefs. There are some aspects of immersions that I think are great, but for the most part, I think they make a spectacle out of some marginalized groups. For instance, I know some students who went to Central America for an immersion trip (and there were lengthy social media posts to prove it). Everyone spoke very highly of the trip. How the people were “down to earth yet happy despite having nothing” or “it was so sad to see how they live” or any other variation of these phrases. The obliviousness of White Saviorism struck me. If you are unaware of what White Saviorism is, please research it as you may be part of the problem. I was genuinely confused about how students could take trips to Central America then return to the U.S. and support Trump’s Wall and anti-immigration rhetoric. While this may seem insignificant to students on non-religious campuses, I felt like JCU had this forced religious/moral superiority that they pressed onto their students. Not everyone will agree with me and that’s completely okay. I just want to explain how I became more observant of the dichotomy between Christian teaching/beliefs and Christian action.
So, after a build-up of hatefulness, I decided to remove myself from the toxic environment I found around some of JCU’s Christian-based groups. I’m not saying that my spiritual change is permanent, but I do know that I feel better. After trying to fit the mold for several semesters, I decided that maybe Christianity (or at least JCU’s version of Christianity) isn’t for me. Although I do not actively pray/worship/etc. anything right now, I try my best to be a good person every day and use my non-secular kindness to make the world a better place.