By the time this article is posted, I will have been twenty for three days already; but as of now, I am writing this as a nineteen year old. I still can’t believe I’m going to be leaving my teens and going into a whole new decade of life: the infamous twenties. I know I have a lot ahead of me for the future, but I have also put a lot behind me in terms of life lessons and events. I’ve gone through my childhood, through high school, graduated, and started college. While I have all of this time to be nostalgic and reflect on my teen years and back, I’m going to share twenty things I’d like to think I have learned (and want to remind myself of) before turning twenty.
1. Midnight birthday messages never get old. Enjoy all the little effort your friends put in and know that it’s enough. You don’t need any grand gestures to feel loved, you already are.
2. Forgive for yourself, not for them. In my many years of friendship I’ve definitely cut some ties, and for good reason too, but it’s never too late to patch things up if you want to. Holding grudges is a pride battle, but forgiveness is an action of peace. Once you can forgive someone, you hold all the power you need. Don’t let your ego get in the way when it doesn’t need to.
3. Reading will always be fun. I used to get a lot of looks in middle school for always “hiding behind my books,” which, okay, kind of fair, but also reading never fails to make me feel better. You can read about anything and it will help distract you, inspire you, or relax you.
4. Social media is not always fun. I grew up during the social media boom, but I’m starting to realize that I don’t really need it. Yes, it is fun to keep track of memories and stay in contact with people, but otherwise, you don’t need to waste your free time scrolling on it!
5. When you get the opportunity to dance, take advantage of it. Whether you’re at a family party, a club, a college party, or anything where music is playing, get up and dance. Don’t limit yourself to only dancing in your room alone. No one will care how you look or how good/bad you are, but you will feel so much better letting loose than standing there awkwardly.
6. You can change your style literally any time you want. This applies to anything. Dress how you want, act how you want, show interest in whatever things you want! Literally, no one will react as bad as you think they will and who cares anyway?
7. Life will be easier the sooner you master small talk. People will admire you a lot more if you speak first, greet first, or just make an effort in general. Be comfortable with talking about yourself and with talking about other people. Talk to anyone. It will impress people more than it will weird them out. Don’t let yourself hold you back!
8. You deserve a break. No matter what you have accomplished today, if you feel the need to take a break, take one. Pushing yourself harder only works when you’re willing and able to be pushed. Don’t break yourself for an assignment that won’t matter in the grander scheme of things.
9. Your success is yours. When you are ready to be pushed, challenge yourself! And when you succeed make sure the first person you thank is you. Of course show love to anyone who helped but don’t let yourself slip by without giving yourself credit you deserve.
10. That after-workout happiness is not a lie. I know it seems hard to start working out, but I promise that’s just because of the unnecessary expectations you tie onto it. If you look at it as impossible, it will be. If you see it as easy and loving your body, it’ll love you back.
11. ASK FOR HELP. If you grew up as the child of immigrant parents or even just the youngest in your family, you probably struggle with asking for help like I do. But the more comfortable you get asking for help, the more you will realize it is literally so helpful. You won’t know everything and you don’t have to. Let people help you in as many ways as you can.
12. Speak your truth. Only you know what it is like to be you. No one will read your mind, especially not the way you want them to or need them to. Make it easier by being self-aware and explaining yourself when you want to be heard. More often than not, people are willing to listen! And trust me when I say talking about your feelings is always better than bottling them (in the long run).
13. Your passions are worth pursuing. No matter what anyone tells you, follow what interests you and work on it everyday. No one starts out perfect and practice never hurts. You never know where it’ll lead you one day. Look at all the people with YouTube careers now!
14. Don’t take life too seriously. Learn from your mistakes but don’t relive them. Most likely, no one will remember them being as bad as you remember. Let embarrassment be a fleeting feeling.
15. Being alone doesn’t mean you need to feel lonely. At the end of the day, you are your own most important person. You are the only one you can depend on 24/7 and the only person you know you will have to live with forever. Don’t take yourself for granted. Being by yourself can be great! Learn to love being with yourself and not needing anyone else too much of the time. Whether you’re single or don’t feel like you have enough friends or are missing something in the past, enjoy your time. The rest will all fall into place if need be.
16. Get used to being out of control. There are so little times in life where you will be in control of everything you want so let that desire go. You cannot control anyone else’s actions or reactions, focus solely on what you can do for yourself and accept the rest.
17. Keep memories. Nothing is too little to remember. You’ll thank yourself for writing in journals and hogging photos and videos and even mementos from your favorite times. Look back on them when you need some cheering up, but don’t make it a habit. The future holds much more to come.
18. Say “no” as much as you want. Don’t have time for something? Say no. Don’t want to do something? Say no. Don’t like how someone is treating you? Say no. Sometimes saying “no” is all about saying “yes” to yourself. Don’t let people walk all over you.
19. You can never love too hard. It’s too easy to fall into today’s trap of not wanting to show people just how much you care, but don’t. Being careless is not equivalent to being “cool.” Love hard and don’t apologize for it. You’ll find the people who appreciate it most and you never know when they’ll really need it. People will always remember how you made them feel.
20. Everyone’s faking it ‘til they’re making it. Sometimes you can’t help comparing yourself to others, it just happens. But when it does, keep in mind that everyone is literally just trying their best and are probably just as confused and overwhelmed as you are. Be honest with others and yourself about where you are in life and you’ll find that it brings you closer. There’s no need to one up anyone or feel the need to catch up, when you’re only racing yourself.
These may be cliché lessons and you may have heard them before, but hey, life will keep giving you the same lessons until you learn them yourself. If you can get a head start and grow faster from other people’s advice and mistakes, do it. Self-growth is a never-ending path to follow and I can’t wait to see what more lessons to come my way.