I am going to be candid in this article. Coronavirus has left me paralyzed with fear. A pandemic at this level of vigor has never happened before. It feels like a real-life Plague Inc. game. Escaping it is nearly impossible. It is all you will see on the news and the only thing on social media. There’s no way to forget about it because it always comes back.
I’ve had nightmares about the virus taking my family. I’m scared of losing my grandfather. He is my best friend and my favorite thing to come home to. I am also scared to lose my father. He is compromised. He is no longer employed because of the dangers of even being outside at this point. There is a case of coronavirus at my mother’s workplace. She works from home, but the news is still unsettling.
My mom tells me not to worry, but I find it difficult to not worry. If anyone in my family gets COVID-19, chances are that they will not make it. I cannot even fathom the thought of losing anyone in my family. They are the most important thing in my life. They mean everything to me. I still have so much to learn from them and so much to experience. I cannot have a virus cut that short.
I have lost time at school. I know I went to college to learn, but I also went for so many other reasons. I wanted to learn independence. I wanted to learn how to live on my own accord and learn discipline. I wanted to learn to work outside of my comfort zone. I fell in love with MTSU and losing time that I cannot get back is painful.
I am still coping though. This time is hard for everyone. All I am able to do is find comfort in my Bible. I pray and study often, trying to learn to trust what I cannot control. I am doing everything in my power to prevent the virus in my home. I have even started making medical masks for my family for outings. I am completely aware that they do not do much from keeping the virus from infecting us, but if we are carriers, we can keep it from spreading further.
Talking to God in this time has been like therapy to me. Prayer is powerful in my life, and it is keeping me sane. Talking about my fears and worries with Jesus makes me feel like I have a security blanket around me in the best way possible. I feel validated and reassured after I pray, understanding that I need to trust the process.
Something else I have learned from this is that holding those who are dear to you is one of the most important things in life. This pandemic is very real. Hold your family close but from a safe distance. Realize that there will be other Spring Breaks and vacations. You can make those memories at any point. You cannot make memories with the ones you want to if they aren’t here anymore. Stay home and please stay safe.
To those on the frontlines: thank you. Your work is so important and essential. It means the entire world that you are willing to put everything on the line to keep others safe and make sure things can still run as smoothly as possible. You are what I wish I could do, so thank you.
There will be a time when this pandemic ends, and we’ll forget the feelings that made this time so overwhelming. There will be a time where I will look back and remember the anxiety and panic that I felt during this time, but I will not look back and be ashamed, but proud of the moment in time where even in panic, I was able to find calm in the storm.