The “Notre Dame Family” is a phrase that you tend to hear a lot on campus. The idea of becoming a part of such a tight-knit, connected community is, in fact, what many current students claim motivated them to apply to Notre Dame in the first place. Yet, I believe that part of the reason that many students easily fit into this family is because Notre Dame’s student body is fairly homogeneous. It’s undeniable that the school attracts a specific type of student; statistically, typically ones that are Catholic, heterosexual, wealthy, white, pursuing a “conventional” career path and so on. Yet, what do you do and how are you supposed to feel if you don’t identify with the majority?
Perhaps worst of all was that it seemed like everyone around me was making an easy transition to college and finally finding a sense of belonging while I was miserable and wondering if I had made the wrong choice in coming to Notre Dame altogether. When I spoke to my friends about my thoughts of transferring, they were shocked. Few people seemed to understand how I could dislike a place as “magical” as ND. Notre Dame felt undeniably magical in brief moments, and for this reason, I felt quite ashamed for even having any doubt about attending the school. I was at *the* Notre Dame after all and I was well aware that thousands of people my age dreamed of being in my position. Yet somehow, there I was, with this immense privilege that I was mostly unappreciative of.
Ironically, I started to feel more comfortable at Notre Dame and hopeful for my future here just right before Spring Break, when we were sent home for five months. During this time, I thought a lot about what I would do next: either stay and make the most of my time and opportunity at ND, or go (transfer) to another school in hopes that things would be better there. While my options were clear, the outcomes were less certain; what if stayed at Notre Dame and loved it eventually? What if I transferred and hated my new school? Most of all, regardless of which path I took, what if I regretted my choice?
Over quarantine, I deeply missed my friends from school and began to realize that I was largely inhibiting myself from enjoying my life at Notre Dame. I was so focused on my fear of missing out and so convinced that I’d have access to better opportunities elsewhere that I was overlooking the opportunities that were already available to me. Consequently, I decided to give Notre Dame another chance this year and try to explore the possibilities here before I made a final judgment.
Surprisingly, COVID-related restrictions and all, I’ve been having a great time this semester. I am now finally taking more major-related classes and am enrolled in courses that cover topics that I am genuinely interested in. In this way, I’ve met more people who share my interests (even if just over Zoom, for now), which has made me feel less quirky … in an amazing, refreshing way! On the flip side, I am starting to see that it is okay to not have friends who I feel are exactly like me. While it’s comforting to meet people I feel like I instantly “click” with, it’s not necessarily a bad thing that people here are different from me. Maybe “fitting in” isn’t something I should have strived for after all.
Even while I am beginning to have a more optimistic outlook on my chances of finding happiness at Notre Dame, me sharing my experience isn’t to say that everyone should try to make the most of a negative circumstance. Sometimes, the only way to increase your chances of success is to remove yourself from a situation entirely — whether that be from a relationship, a social setting, or (in this case) a school environment. When making such choices, I think it’s vital that people do what feels right for them and follow their heart. Life is an unpredictable series of dependent and independent events. No matter what path you decide to follow, find comfort in knowing that everything always has a way of turning out alright in the end.
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