I have always been the single friend. Never in my 21 years of life have I had a significant other, except for that week in the second grade (if you’re reading this Brandon, hey!) where we agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend on the elementary school playground’s monkey bars. Nevertheless, I have always been single, wondering what could be wrong with me to the point of no one ever wanting to go on a date with me.
I always blamed it on my appearance. Being the 5-foot-8-inch middle schooler always made me stand out of the crowd, literally. Of course, middle school wasn’t the most stylish time of my life, but I kept up with the trends of Vera Bradley crossbody purses and Limited Too layered shirts. I was the nerdiest of them all as well, reading books like I drank water and playing the violin in my school’s orchestra. Constantly being reminded of relationships all around me, with couples walking down the hallways. I thought it was so scandalous to see two people making out in the 6th grade staircase.
High school was even worse, as even more couples walked the school and I was still alone. In my mind, high school was actually like the movies, where the cute nerdy girl that kept quietly to herself would finally be noticed by the hunky star athlete. I, being the girl in six AP classes, orchestra, and as an editor for the yearbook, along with applying for colleges, thought I could find time for true love in the slim pickings of my graduating class.
Even now in college, I am still the single friend, trying to give the best advice to my friends with their relationships, never having had a boyfriend. To this day, I still wonder what could possibly be wrong with me that no one could ever like me in a romantic way. Being a student at Baylor put even more of a spotlight on me to find my Mr. Right, with everyone finding their perfect match and getting engaged during the senior year.
Sometimes I think that I will never find my soulmate. Even though I am a hopeless romantic and daydream of a future life with a husband and a family, sometimes I think that something could be wrong with me. But then I realize a few fundamental things about myself:
I am an independent woman. Yes, it’s a cliche, but it rings true. In this time and space of my life right now, I am happy and pursuing my dreams. I am anticipating only the best things for myself and my future, and right now, that doesn’t require a significant other.
I don’t have the time for a relationship. Taking 16 hours, leading an organization, being part of two other organizations, along with a job and an internship, and a social life and time to myself doesn’t allot time fully dedicated to someone else right now. And that’s okay. There’s a lot of societal and Baylor pressures to find your partner for life in four years while navigating school, learning about what you want to do for the rest of your life, all while learning about yourself and what you like and don’t like. This is a time of personal discovery for me, and it’s perfectly normal if it is for you too.
I am just getting started. I am 21-years-old. Yes, by this age, I should have had so many memories of first dates and the iconic first kiss, but I haven’t, and that’s okay with me. I am not going to waste these precious moments on just anyone. But I am also just 21-years-old, with so much of my life ahead. By this time next year, I could be half-way across with country with the love of my life, sitting on a bench in Central Park. The future is so unknown, and it holds a lot of promise and love (hopefully).
So yes, I will continue being the single friend, offering all my love to friends and family while learning to love myself first before others. It will take time and patience to find my partner in life, but it will be worth it.