In the college dating scene, you have the opportunity to run into a diverse array of individuals with different perspectives on their world. Three years ago, I had the chance to run into my current significant other, who had a different worldview than I had: being an international student. I was a simple, small-town girl with an American lifestyle, thinking that I already knew what to look for in a relationship. However, my life changed when I started dating internationally, not knowing the quirks to expect of it.
I come from a South Asian household, with some familial priorities on preserving my cultural identity, but also some priorities on how to live in a diverse nation such as the United States. I always felt myself falling into this stereotype of being “white-washed”, a term used to describe individuals who weren’t as in tune with their culture, which was used frequently in my hometown growing up. While I can understand my language, I never could speak or write it─causing a drift between my non-English speaking Indian relatives and me. Because of this, I stuck to my American beliefs and slowly inched away from my heritage during my high school years.
During my freshman year of college, I knew I wanted to be more in tune with my identity. Along my journey, I met someone who changed my life forever: a random student at a college concert. Unbeknownst to me at the time, he was an Indian international student studying abroad in the United States to get a worthwhile education and find opportunities. After getting to know this student more, I gradually found myself attracted to him, but I was hesitant at first. Growing up, I constantly heard my peers badmouthing international students such as “international students are distant” or “international students are reserved and don’t engage with us, domestic students.” I, unfortunately, succumbed to these naive remarks even though my parents are immigrants themselves. As I slowly got to know this individual, I found that we had similar yet different experiences that uniquely made us who we are. We had different backgrounds and experiences, but we were one and the same and deeply connected to our identities, which led us to pursue a fulfilling relationship. I realized that letting myself believe stereotypes at first was frankly, well, problematic and xenophobic.
One of the hardest issues about dating internationally in college or life is the holidays. The breaks are often long, arduous, and unforgiving because my significant other would use the time to travel to his hometown to spend time with his family. However, as any long-distance relationship or normal relationship goes, trust, honesty, and communication are the keys to a successful bond. Even though I had to wake up bright and early at 4:00 am just to talk to him, these precious moments are always the happiest for me─to be able to communicate and catch up with the latest gossip and highlights of our day. During these break periods, I build myself independently and find space in the long-distance, but it is always exciting to count down each day closer to seeing him again.
I don’t see myself as any “messiah” to bridge the gap between the similar yet different cultures, but I have noticed a difference in how my friends have responded to dating internationally since being with my significant other. The stereotypes that my friends and I grew up with have slowly reduced over the years, and the gap between the two identities have never been closer. Cultures themselves have a spectrum of diversity, and we sometimes don’t realize it. But the main factor is that we are all one and the same in our lived experiences and heritage. There is still much work to do to change our differences and to come to a realization that we all come from the same culture regardless if it is international or not. I know one day that these differences can be conquered. Here is my advice to anyone dating internationally: don’t let yourself be bogged down by the stereotypes and long-distance; keep an open mind to explore what is out there in our ever-so globalized world! After all, you never know who or what may come in your direction.