I have a lot of pet peeves, probably as much as the next person! Chewing with your mouth open, unnecessary yelling, and when my brother leaves the door open after he leaves my room. However, I think my biggest pet peeve is when someone says to me, “ugh, you’re so whitewashed.” Or my favorite one is, “both of your parents are Mexican, why do you act so white?” Latinos have been in this country for such a long time and the majority of the time that we have been here, there’s been this backlash towards us for not being “American enough.” What is even more upsetting to me is that people within the Latino community inflict those same hurtful thoughts and feelings on others that are just like them – they make us feel like we’re not enough for each other.
Growing up, there was a time when I rejected my culture and wanted to be like the other girls at my school. Looking back now I am so embarrassed with myself and I try so hard to repress that stage in my life. When I got a little older, I learned to embrace every little piece of my culture, but by then I felt like I was too late, because now I struggle to feel Latina enough. For one, I’ve never been the best when it came to speaking Spanish. I don’t have that authentic accent and I often stutter through my words. When other members of the Latinx community hear me trying to talk in Spanish I very often get the cold eyes and confused looks. They ask, “Are both of your parents fully Mexican? You’re not a real Mexican.” In return, it did build this insecurity in me. I find myself embarrassed around other members of my community when I try to speak Spanish for fear of being judged. Despite struggling with my Spanish, which is a huge part of what makes us Latinos, I have such immense gratitude for my people and culture, and I love being able to say I am Mexican and a part of this beautiful community! Unfortunately, it gets harder and harder to display this proudness when members of my own community try to invalidate my Latino experience and make me question my Latinidad.
In all honesty, there hasn’t ever been a time where I felt Latina enough around native Latinos and even around other U.S. born Latinos. Besides my inability to speak good Spanish, I find myself looking at typical Latina body types. I have never fit into those “sexy” Latina body type models which also aided in building my insecurity of not being a part of my Latin community, but I even find myself being the culprit and inflicting these stereotypes onto others. Meeting other Latinx community members that looked like me and found myself being shocked and disturbed they didn’t know Spanish or “don’t look Mexican.” It’s this vicious, never-ending cycle that we have put ourselves in.
At home I speak a mix of Spanish with my family. I eat traditional Mexican meals, listen to Mexican music and embrace my beautiful culture, but the second I walk out the front door of my house, I am also American. It feels like this never-ending battle with each of my identities and it’s feels like you can never make anyone happy. We are constantly invalidating one another’s Latinidad with these accusations of not being enough. Who’s to determine what or better yet who is enough?
At the end of the day, it’s up to you and how you view your own Latinx identity. YOU need to be proud of who you are where you come from – no one else has any say on who you are or what you contribute to the Latin community. Don’t let anyone invalidate your experience. If we could just support one another no matter where we are on our journey instead of bringing each other down, imagine the power. Researching my culture and constantly immersing myself in all of its greatness is what has helped my confidence. Become comfortable and confident and become your own person first. At the end of the day all you need to do is represent your people well. You own your Latin experience and you owe no one proof or an explanation to anything.