The great remote semester of 2020 is officially over for Pace University students. This semester we were thrown into the online and unreliable world of Zoom, a global pandemic, a presidential election, and an overall burning world. However, somehow I and other students have made it. This semester has been one to remember both positively and negatively. Students pushed into an online schooling atmosphere with little accommodations and resources, and everyone just said, good luck take care of your mental health! But the gag is, no one checked in on our mental health. The schools send their cliche Thanksgiving newsletters but refused to answer student calls after hours on hold. Professors reminded us we were important, then gave us 5 assignments due in a week, and organizations, where we could be social, were downsized and out of sight.
Now, mental and physical health a touchy subject for all of us. Before quarantine, I was living THE life. I was 18, in New York City, starting afresh job that paid well and getting back on track with life. Then, boom… back to Baltimore. I was crushed. I have always dreamed of spending my birthday in New York City and waking up to Zoom classes, and my friends scattered broke me for a while. I have gone through a lot that no one sees, because why give people that fuel to use against you? At times I felt like a robot who was just going to the same miserable job and back home. I was put into a lot of situations that I simply did not deserve to be in. I lost my first dog silently, which is the worst pain I ever felt. My anxiety was at its second-highest peak in my life, and I felt I never could do enough to keep everyone happy.
At the end of it all, I am starting to try to make myself happy. No one is guaranteed to be there for you. At the end of the day, you are the best you have. You have to make yourself happy, and I wished I believed it a bit more. I do not know when I will return to New York, but I know that is where I am meant to spend some time of my life. I will get the recognition and love that I long for.
But for now, we just have to wear that mask.