Being 25, a first-generation student, and in my second year of college, there is no denying that I go through ‘imposter syndrome’ every other week. Although I know I have worked for my spot in college, there are days when I feel that I will never belong to my university’s community.
When I graduated high school back in 2014, going to college was not an option. I couldn’t afford it and due to my immigration status, I was prevented from attending certain colleges and universities. Certain policies in Georgia make it almost impossible to pursue higher education. Policy 4.1.6 bans undocumented students from the top three universities based on their status, not on merit. On top of that, policy 4.3.4 charges undocumented students out-of-state tuition even if they have lived in Georgia all their lives.
There were moments when I felt hopeless and wondered where my life was headed. From a young age, I knew that I needed a college education in order for me to succeed in life. But once I graduated high school and went straight into working, attending college felt like it would just be a dream and never a reality. Luckily for me, I discovered an organization called Freedom University. Freedom University is a modern-day freedom school based in Atlanta that provides undocumented youth with the tools and resources to be able to go to college as well as provide leadership skills. I did not know where this organization would lead me but little did I know it would become a pathway for me to obtain a college education. With the help of the professors and mentors of Freedom University, I was accepted into Oglethorpe University. To this day, it still seems unreal that I am in college and halfway done.
While I am very proud of how far I’ve come, I still ask myself, “Do I really belong here?” From my first day of college, I could tell that my journey had just begun and there was a long way to go before I could really pursue my dreams. In class, I felt really behind compared to my classmates since I had not been in school for the last five years. I often felt dumb because I could not remember what MLA format was. I would see announcements regarding club meetings, but felt disheartened because my job schedule wouldn’t allow me to join or attend meetings. I felt that if I was a lot younger and lived on campus then I would have been able to belong to Oglethorpe’s community.
More than that, one of the biggest factors of my imposter syndrome to this day is the fact that I am undocumented. I often receive emails regarding studying abroad and meet students who have done so, and I wonder how fulfilling that experience must be. When I think about internships, I know how hard they will be to apply for, considering that many are not paid which I cannot afford to accept, and also because many do not accept undocumented individuals. Sometimes it feels as if I am back in high school; I am trying my best but know that there is nothing waiting for me at the end.
Despite my struggles, one of my mentors at Freedom University gave me a piece of advice that has stuck with me: it is up to us to create a path to success. Although Oglethorpe is doing their best to help, it is going to take our community to get the work done. It might be tough and I know change won’t happen overnight, but I believe it is up to me and my community to create an environment where we see ourselves represented and acknowledged. For any other undocumented student that comes after me, the last thing I want them to believe is that they do not belong in college. We belong everywhere and we deserve to take up space.