With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, romance is on all of our minds. We consume hours of romantic comedies and tragic romances each year in the hopes that we will be able to satiate the need for a romantic partner. But within those movies, the premise is almost always the same: young single woman tired of being single. Everyone in her life looks down on her for this fact, until she meets the perfect partner and falls madly in love, earning the respect of the people around her in the process. But why? Why is being single seen as an inherent flaw? Why is our womanhood, our value as a human being, dwindled down to the presence of a romantic partner?
I find myself blaming the patriarchy, more specifically, the media being spotlighted within the patriarchy. As a college student living during the age of social media, it is no surprise that my life has been heavily impacted by things like Instagram and TikTok. If you can honestly say that yours hasn’t, then more power to you. But as much as I’d like to claim I am indifferent to the beast that is influencer culture, I would be lying to you. But the main issue that I deal with each year around this time is thanks to a different form of media: the movie industry.
One of my favorite parts of Valentine’s Day is the tradition of watching romantic comedies. Like most women my age, I have had my fair share of ups and downs in the romance department, and tend to have a pretty pessimistic outlook on dating. I’m the first to admit that I have bad taste, and am not ashamed to say that I have never been in a relationship during Valentine’s Day, hence my abundant experience with celebrating “Galentine’s Day.” Because of my lack of a romantic partner for this Hallmark Holiday, I have a pretty solid itinerary for Valentine’s Day year after year: I go to class in a pink and red outfit, trying my best to look cute (I love the color scheme… Don’t judge me), I go to Starbucks for a seasonal drink, get home and get cozy before starting a romcom and Valentine’s Day themed television episode marathon. One of my go-to’s are the “Glee” Valentine’s Day episodes. But aside from that, movies such as “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days,” “50 First Dates,“ “Set It Up,” “Valentine’s Day,” “The DUFF,” “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before,” “13 Going On 30,” “Clueless,” “10 Things I Hate About You,” “She’s All That” and more are an absolute necessity.
These movies vary in theme and plot, but something I have recently taken notice of is the pressure often put on the female leads to get into a relationship. A movie that this is incredibly prevalent in is Netflix’s “Holidate,” which was an instant success due to the romantic chemistry between leads Emma Roberts and Luke Bracey. The beginning of the film sees Sloane, a thirty-something woman enduring a miserable night at her family’s Christmas dinner. While she is pestered with questions regarding her romantic life, or lack of one, her younger brother gets engaged, making her the last of her two siblings to find a partner. Sloane was recently cheated on (of course), by her long term French boyfriend, and had quite a pessimistic outlook on love. She runs into Jackson at the mall while returning a gift her sister bought her, who is also anti-love. They agree to be “holidates,” a term coined by Sloane’s aunt: they will be one another’s companions during holidays only. They are not a couple, but simply go to events together so their families will stop pestering them about their love lives.
Despite their arrangement, much of the movie sees Sloane’s family even more disappointed in her, constantly trying to set her up with other men in the hopes that she’ll finally get married. The movie is lighthearted and fun, and is overall wonderful. But the treatment Sloane received by her family was less than ideal, and caused me to ponder the question of why? Why can’t a woman just be single?
It seems like these days, if a woman is not currently in a relationship, then she is spending her time wishing that she were in one. Our society has a sort of stigma surrounding women, especially as they age. In middle school it wasn’t too outlandish to be single and happy about it. In high school, it seems as though getting into a relationship is a rite of passage, and if you go all four years without having a relationship, you’ve failed. College is a time for exploration, but this means exploration of romance and sexual partners specifically–if a woman stays single throughout the course of getting her degree, her friends will start to wonder why, and her family will begin to grow impatient. A great example of this is the film “Shiva Baby,” when Rachel Sennott’s character is attending a Shiva for a recently deceased family friend, she is bombarded by relatives and acquaintances with questions about a variety of topics including, you guessed it: her romantic status! This is not uncommon. In fact, it is the very reason college aged women dread going home over holiday breaks. But holiday vacations aren’t the only time when questions of relationships surround us. This brings me back to the dreaded Valentine’s Day.
Something I find myself wondering is why people care? Am I alone in believing that there shouldn’t be this much pressure on women to date? Why is it such an important factor in our lives? I am going to college and getting a degree. I have a job, a busy social life, and am constantly writing. So why is my uncle’s first question when I see him at a family event “are you seeing anyone?”
Dating has never really been empowering for women. We live in a man’s world, after all. So it is no shock to learn that for most of history, our purpose as women was to get married and have children. Society has begun to see the light on this ideal (luckily), but it is stil a huge problem. Misogyny comes in many forms, and subtle misogyny is even more common. Reducing a woman down to her dating status will never be cool, and the invasive questions often asked are all too common.
Movies are not at fault for this trend. I cannot put all of the blame on romantic comedies and claim that they are perpetuating a negative cycle of thinking. The problem here is not romantic comedies being out of touch, but rather society itself. Sloane’s family constantly pushing her to get into a relationship when she simply was not ready is not a plot point unique to “Holidate.” It can be seen in many of the romantic comedies you have watched over the years. While these are fictional stories about fictional characters, this very thing happens to many women everyday. It may not seem like a huge issue, but you never know where someone is at in life. Judging someone for being single, poking fun at their lack of experience, and urging a friend to “get back out there!” despite their resistance is not kind.
So if you’re spending this Valentine’s Day single, rather than get down on yourself, try to remember the positives in your life. There is no expiration date on finding a partner. Enjoy the ride. Buy yourself flowers and chocolates, order a dinner for one, throw a Galentine’s party, and put on another trashy romcom. There’s more to life than finding the one–get to know yourself instead.