One day I was walking through the mall, minding my own business, pretty much lost in my thoughts. I had a thousand things in mind, but I was aware I was wearing my most comfortable outfit. I’ve loved this specific pair of jeans and that pink sweater since I was fifteen. I knew I looked great in it and it made me happy, so I wore it confidently. Then I caught a glimpse of myself in a reflective glass wall. The person staring back at me caught me off guard. She didn’t look at all like the young girl from my memories. It wasn’t that the outfit looked wrong, or that it didn’t fit me. On the contrary, I had seemed to grow curves that made it more fitting. But the image in front of me wasn’t youthful and giggly, or scrawny and petite. It was a woman—an adult.
Since hitting my twenties, I’ve changed considerably. I gained weight, I lost that puffy face, and even my hair seemed to go through changes as I gained more volume and lost some of my curls. My boobs and butt grew considerably, and my hips became wider. I also lost all trace of that innocent and giggly look teenagers have. You know what I’m talking aboutー that childish glee paired with a high-pitched tone. In turn, my face had morphed into a more serious facade. The naturally furrowed eyebrows that made me look like an angry teenager now gave me a serious and no-nonsense look. I also developed a deeper voice. With it also came changes to my skin and body hair, which became darker and more prominent in specific areas. My skin lost that thinness from my younger years, and I gained stretch marks and other scars. A big part of it also included acne breakouts, which sucked, since I had managed to free myself of them in my late teens. But these ones came at specific times and in sporadic spots which were horrible.
Friends and family members showered me with compliments about my newest look. They seemed to be impressed with “the woman I was becoming”. In my case, this new body hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn’t ready for the old and mature. And to be honest, I felt so out of place. I would go to the internet and see so many women my age maintaining that freshly woken-up face, and that thin, scrawny teenage body. Then, when I saw the comments on their posts or videos, I noticed they’d always be praised for their beauty. The women like me; the curvy and serious-looking ones, would also receive praise, mostly from mature and kind people. However, these were usually accompanied by negative comments about their appearance or age. And that made me so self-conscious. To see myself in women that were only accepted by other kind-womenー while the rest of the world judge them for simply looking their age.
Coming to terms with my new body wasn’t easy, and if you’ve read this far it’s because you’ve also experienced something similar. I’m here to tell you that it gets better, and I’m also going to tell you how I’ve come to love myself as of now.
Second Puberty
In my search to find myself again in this new body, I went on a journey to find the right information about what was happening to me. Why was my skin no longer so elastic? Why did I have to gain stretch marks? Why did I gain weight if I kept the same diet? Why did my hair change? A big chunk of those questions was answered with a term I’ve come to learn called second puberty.
Second puberty is basically that: the second period in your life where your body adjusts to both your new physical and emotional/mental demands. The new stress of life, such as gaining independence, finding your lifestyle, and juggling work-study-life balance pave the way for the upcoming changes that intensify gradually the more into your twenties you go. These changes include weight gain due to an increase in your body fat, adult acne, influxes in your estrogen and progesterone on a monthly basis, an increase in menstrual cramps, and a gradual muscle loss that allows for the curvier effect.
All of these elements that come to change your appearance are completely normal and expected of your body. Biologically speaking, it is bound to happen as your body matures and goes on to fulfill the final changes our hormones dictate. In short, this is your body preparing you to become your adult version. In even shorter terms, this is the physical girl-to-woman transition.
Let me repeat myself again: gaining weight, getting curvier, losing that teenager-puffy skin, and gaining body hair is completely normal and expected of your body. It means your body is perfectly functional and capable of leading you into this new stage. The sooner you help yourself embrace it, the sooner you’ll be able to enjoy it. This is not the time to hate yourself by forcing yourself on stricter diets or putting yourself through grueling negative self-talk. On the contrary, just like you were told to eat and exercise to grow up healthy as a teen, you should stick to those healthy habits that allow your body to finish what it’s supposed to do instead of stunting its development. Your new changes will appreciate the support, and your body will reward you by giving you a healthy and happy life.
Newfound respect
As teenagers, we’re used to only being listened to by peers and finding our opinions less received by older generations. I was used to having to defend myself two or even three times whenever I brought an idea/thought or opinion to the table. I have found, however, that with this new womanly look, I haven’t had to put in so much effort to explain myself. The first few times when I just had to voice my opinion once caught me off guard. I couldn’t tell why suddenly my one-time speaking was enough. Then I slowly began to realize. Having a deeper and calmer tone paired with this serious facade allowed me to attract the attention necessary to command the room and be heard. I actually appreciated this change, since it gave me the voice of reason on many occasions, and allowed me to speak about things that mattered to me; from the more serious, to the most mundane.
New doors for new looks
Now that we have spoken about physical and mental changes, let’s allow ourselves to speak about emotional ones. With these brightly new changes to my physique and mental image, I found myself in a dire need of a new look; a new vibe to go along with this body and mind of mine. Exploring which outfits looked better now on me allowed me to change my style into something that has made me more confident. In my case, I tend to achieve that by wearing more classical and earthy tones. Thin and covering fabrics have given me confidence in my curves, which has also allowed me to move through rooms and crowds of people without fear of judgment. Because how could I fear an opinion when I know this style serves my level of both physical and mental maturity? It’s so far away from the colorful and skimpy outfits I used to wear as a teenager. And while others would feel sad, I feel happy. Not because of nonsense ideals of change, but because those colorful outfits served a version of me that was in the past, and this new style serves the current me in my current stage of life. Both ideas have existed in me and I have rejoiced in them, but if I had clung to the past, I would have taken away the opportunity to rediscover myselfー and I don’t regret one bit of finding my new me for the new decade.
So here you have it: reasons to allow yourself to love your body. Always remember that both the physiological and psychological changes of your body are normal and that they’re changing in order to make way for new parts of you to be discovered and respected. Sure, it marks the end of your teenagehood, but it’s also the beginning of your womanhood. Trust your body to know what it’s doing. After all, it is your biggest instrument in pursuing the life you want. Your body will give you what you need at that moment, so embrace the changes, embrace this new you, and embrace the realization that this will be the beginning of new cycles in your life.