Do you ever feel like a group is staring at you for no reason? The judgment waves are just radiating toward you? I am here to tell you you are not the only one. I am a Chinese adoptee who was brought to America at 13 months. Growing up, I have endured multiple looks, compliments, judgments and gestures from people. A few times in elementary school I encountered kids making fun of my eyes, making the typical “chin-chong” words and I was always left out of groups.
To be honest, I never knew if I was left out because I was Asian or “different” because I used to be really, really shy. I made it through elementary school and half of middle school with two friends. However, in the last year and a half of middle school, I found my niche in people. They included me in everything. I was able to eat with them during lunch and join them in after-school activities. Crazy enough the students who were part of my group were also minorities.
I will share with you one of the times when I felt highly discriminated against, making me feel so out of place. I was hanging out with one of my friends at the time and we were playing around outside. All of a sudden, he started to talk about how I looked. Including comments about my eyes and pulling the corners of his eyes to make slits. Then, add the typical “ching-chong” along with it. That did not bother me since I grew up with it, but what got to me was when he started to make comments about me being in America. That was when I started to get offended. The one comment that still haunts me to this day was “You don’t belong here, you should go back to China.” I flipped on him and then just walked away. From that day on, I knew I could not let anyone say that to me ever again.
Another challenge I have faced with being adopted is the disconnect from my own culture. It felt like I didn’t belong to American culture or my Chinese culture. My parents did try very hard to keep my Chinese culture in my life by celebrating Chinese New Year, but as I got older that kind of disappeared. I would say I wasn’t completely lost because my parents were very loving and encouraged me to be my own person. However, there were times when I was confused and unsure where I would fit in.
Now after all that hassle, childish racism and confusion about what culture group I belong to, I am now in college meeting other Asian Americans and Asian American adoptees. Who have endured an equal amount of racism and faced the same challenges as me.
I hope this helped you notice that after all the challenges you might endure, something great will come out of it. Just keep pushing and remember you are never the black sheep in the pack.