Right before our first year of university, my high school friend group gathered on a windy summer afternoon at a park in Uptown Toronto. We planned to bury our plastic Dollarama time capsule filled with photos, letters and little mementos we gathered over our years together. We read our letters out loud and laughed and cried. Our hearts were made whole by the memories we made together and the assurance that there would be plenty more despite the changes ahead. We duct-taped our box, dug a hole next to a tree we liked, and recorded ourselves burying it to know where to dig after graduating undergrad. As excited as I was to move to Kingston and start school at Queen’s, I couldn’t help but worry things would never be the same.
Now, two school years and two summers into university, I feel more comfortable witnessing our ascent into young adulthood and its role in our shifting relationships with one another. I don’t think my friends and I are necessarily fighting the rapid change that takes place in the relationships of your late teens and twenties. When I haven’t spoken to one of them in a while, I often find myself marveling mid-catch-up at how normal things still feel between us.
I remember writing in my letter that my friends raised me to become the person I am. I like to say that we molded each other. Now, as we experience real life, we get to watch each other as we succeed, fail, feel stagnant and thrive. Over the last two years, I’ve seen them meet new people, kill it in school and experience everything from heartbreak to new jobs and passions. It’s only clear to me now that our relationships aren’t meant to stay frozen in time as life races on.
If the key to a successful relationship is compatibility, what happens when people who are so similar start to experience changes in the circumstances of their lives? The answer varies. Generally, you have to adjust your expectations for one another. You stop spending every second with your high school friends when you get to university. As you go through the motions of the shift, trust that you’ll learn how to treat one another. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the changes I’ve seen in my high school friends. Distance makes the heart grow fonder!
Sometimes, the people you think will be your friends for life are only meant to last a few seasons. The relationships that are supposed to last, will. Regardless of whether some of your friendships have expiry dates, be grateful that there is so much to learn about yourself, the world and others through friendships. Part of the university experience is about learning to embrace change and manage fears. So many of the pieces of my identity can be traced back to something I picked up from a loved one. There is so much value in finding a sense of community. Humans are meant to feel like they’re a part of something. The best way to get the most out of your friendships is to embrace their progressions, changes and all.