As a little girl, I romanticised hitting my twenties, having been brainwashed by Hollywood in the form of rom-coms and coming-of-age films. I pictured entering into an era of direction and purpose, having landed my dream job or university placement, surrounded by old and new friends, and muddling through big city life at the same pace as my childhood besties.
Instead, when I hit my twenties, after turning 18 in the midst of a global pandemic, I felt more like someone had handed me fingerpaints and told me to recreate the Mona Lisa. It’s messy, colourful, and fun, but nothing like the smooth sailing I had in mind.
Making friends as a child seemed to come so naturally. You would sit next to them in class and all of a sudden you were eating pizza at a sleepover and wearing matching ‘BFF’ friendship bracelets. Meanwhile, I sit here at university with friends scattered across the country missing the simplicity of the playground hierarchy. At such a point of transition in life and personal growth, learning how to navigate these friendships and relationships becomes yet another plate to spin in a seemingly growing circus act.
So, what does it looks like to manage friendships and relationships in your twenties?
Learning to love low-maintenance friends.
As creatures that desire both proximal and emotional closeness in friendships, it’s a tough pill to swallow when you initially move away. Your daily catchups change to weekly, quarterly, or even yearly. You learn the value of a low-maintenance friendship: coming to a mutual understanding that just because you’re not texting constantly or attached at the hip anymore doesn’t make them of less value to your life and vice versa. That’s not to say time and effort invested into friendships isn’t important, but it’s understanding that the crux of your relationship isn’t resting on someone texting back immediately.
Learning to let go of friends.
Despite every best intention combined in the world, not every person you meet will last throughout the course of your life. Having situational friends doesn’t make them any less important or influential to you, it’s simply a testament to the constant developmental nature of the human spirit. Just because someone isn’t necessarily going to be called ‘aunty’ by your future children, doesn’t negate the fun you can have with them now. Plus, thanks to Instagram, Facebook, and other social media we’ll all be able to stalk each other long into the future.
Learning to support one another.
You’re all at different stages in your twenties, and, contrary to popular hustle culture belief, there is no race in life. Whilst I have three more years left at university, I have friends who have been in full-time work for two years, some who are financially independent and have children, and others who live at home with their parents unsure of their plans. Once the ‘competition’ is removed you realise that what’s left is a support network of people who love you and want to see you succeed. Surrounding yourself with these people and upholding these values in your actions towards others is crucial for happiness and future success in your relationships.
Learning to communicate effectively.
Your twenties are in some senses a selfish time. It’s a time for positive habit forming and personal analysis, where everyone is willing to offer you advice and help to see you flourish. However, this is often clouded by a false expectation of perfection. We stop ourselves from being vulnerable with friends and potential love interests for fear of being seen as weak. Transparency and openness lead to deeper, more real relationships. We’re bumbling through together: if you’re at a dead end, it’s likely others around you are there also, or even better, they know where they’re going and are willing to lead you. Learning to communicate is essential in building and maintaining good friendships.
Learning to say yes!
I’ve decided to rebrand my twenties as a ‘yes’ era. For many of us, our twenties afford us maximum freedom and minimum responsibility. It’s a time to try things, make mistakes, have successes, and say yes to people, places, and opportunities without fear of failure. Having an open mind and heart to whatever may arise in your twenties means growing emotionally in unexpected ways and experiencing life to the fullest possible extent. I want to look back on this decade and say it was the greatest, not because I had it all together, but because I put myself out there and developed long-lasting relationships founded on memories and experiences together.