Coming from the girl that went from being afraid of commitment to being ghosted two times in a row by serious romantic partners, I can tell you that dealing with being ghosted is never easy.
Your mind tries to fill in the gaps by looking for signs you may have missed or shifts the blame onto yourself as you ask where you went wrong. But the truth is, you will never be able to find any of the answers. The lack of closure is the hardest part about dealing with being ghosted because the sudden shift from talking every day to radio silence is enough to give you whiplash. They say that time heals the greatest of all wounds. Quite frankly I didn’t want to hear that and I am sure you don’t either. So here are some ways I managed to cope with being ghosted (TWICE).
Do NOT Text Them
Listen, I know it is hard but PLEASE do not text them. They decided to leave you without any warning or any explanation. Their behavior towards you was disrespectful, so do not disrespect yourself by begging for their attention. Let them go. This is the hardest part but the most important because nothing you say or do will bring them back. Save your pride by deleting their number or changing their contact name to something along the lines of “DO NOT TEXT”. Trust me, it stopped me from hitting send several times.
Do NOT Read Old Texts
Do not dig through your old texts and photos to figure out what went wrong: when, why, and how. I can almost guarantee you that there will be no signs (that’s why it’s called ghosting). Reliving past memories is going to be painful so don’t torture yourself by revisiting them. I am not saying you have to delete everything right away but if that’s how you roll, more power to you (you’re certainly stronger than I am). I just want you to know that scrolling through your memories will only make you miss them more.
Do NOT Social Stalk Them
Chances are they have probably blocked you so you won’t be able to see them updating their social media. This does not mean you should make a burner account to stalk them behind the anonymity of an empty profile picture and random username (guilty as charged). Sis, do not do it. Put your phone down right now. Seeing them do things without you and carry on seemingly as if nothing ever happened is the worst feeling. Digging through their social media in attempts to find out what they’re doing and who they’re with is not going to make you feel any better or bring you any sort of closure. If you can’t avoid the temptation, tell a friend so they can hold you accountable or block them back.
DO Talk to Someone you can Trust
I know it’s hard to go from talking to someone every day to not at all. This is why it is important to lean on those you can trust and let them know how you are feeling. This will prevent you from feeling completely alone while also giving you the ability to have someone hold you accountable and stop you from contacting “The One who Shall Not be Named”.
Do NOT Blame Yourself
Their decision to ghost you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. They were not ready for a serious relationship, they were not mature enough to have a conversation with you voicing their change in feelings, and they chose not to respect you or your feelings. Nothing you do now can change the fact that they ghosted you so leave them where they are. Thank you, next.
Do NOT Lose Yourself
This is the most important piece of advice I can give you. Think about all of the things that you used to enjoy doing before you met them. Discover new hobbies, journal out your feelings, and make sure you are eating and staying hydrated. Above all else, do not lose yourself. The truth is that they did not change anything about you, they were simply a part of your journey and watching from the sidelines. Everything you are today is a reflection of the hard work and effort you put in to get here. Do not let them take credit for who you are based on who you were when you were with them.
I promise that with time it will hurt a little less and you won’t miss them as much. You just have to ride out the emotions and not lose hope.