Telltale Signs That You’ve Been Single for a While

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Have you ever done something really weird and then immediately said to a friend “…and this is why we’re single”? If you can relate to any of these, you most likely answered “yes.” Read on to see how single you really are. 

You’re on a first-name basis with your favorite foods.

You: “I ended my night with Jimmy last night, curled up in my bed. It was magical.”

Your Friends: “What?! Who’s Jimmy?”

You: “…Jimmy John’s…”

Your logic is you’ll never regret a night with Jimmy, Ben & Jerry, Ian or any other food you could possibly think of. Food > Boys.

Being the third-wheel is second nature to you.

You don’t even realize anymore that you’re always tagging along with couples.  You serve as the mediator of fights, the personal photographer and chauffeur. You’ve even mastered being the ninth wheel. Props to you; not that many people (or anyone?) can say that. There’s gotta be some good karma in the future involved with that somehow.

 

You’re a crazy cat/dog/hamster lady in the making. 

You’re always the girl pinning pictures of cats, sharing hamster Vines or watching the live puppy cam of golden retrievers.  Your logic: animals are better cuddlers and are cuter than boys. You’re on the trail of a long life filled with many four-legged lovers, my friend.

 

You have a strong emotional connection to a TV or movie character.

You fantasize about dating Ryan Gosling and turn down plans to watch your imaginary boyfriend, Chuck Bass, light up the screen.  You missed class again because you were crying after the latest episode of Vampire Diaries. Spoiler alert: You don’t end up happily ever after with any of them. Deepest apologies.

 

Your relatives are concerned.

Without fail whenever you attend a family event, you’re always asked if you have a boyfriend. When you reply, you’re reminded by your relatives that your biological clock is ticking. Your cousins purposely throw their wedding bouquets at you in hopes that it’ll bring you luck and your aunts and uncles give out your phone number to everyone. You’re also pretty sure that they set up a match.com account for you.

You wear everything imaginable when you sleep.

This includes but is not limited to: a retainer, a face mask, an eye mask, ear plugs, eye cream, a hair net, onesie pajamas- basically everything under the sun. You wouldn’t give up your beauty routine for anyone. And you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing your pore strips and zit cream either.

 

You’re…desperate.

You’ve tried everything in the books to reel in a guy so you’re considering taking it one step farther. You’re thinking about making your own little voodoo dance, similar to Sandra Bullock’s from The Proposal or even concocting a milkshake to bring “all the boys to the yard.” Every time you pass by a fountain, you toss in a coin in hopes of winning over your crush.

You hate couples.

You’re the girl who absolutely hates couples. It might be because you’re against the whole lovey-dovey aspect of dating or just because you’re bitter. You can be found sitting in between couples on the park bench who were getting a little too cozy, throwing the phone across the room of the girl who having the “no you hang up first” argument with her bf or casually drop-kicking the couple in the library who won’t stop playing footsie with each other.

 

No matter which ones you relate to, the real reason you’ve been single for so long is because you’re too unbelievably good looking. So be proud. 

About The Author

Tricia Fishbune is a sophomore at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. She plans on majoring in Communication Arts, and eventually wants to work in the entertainment industry in either journalism or public relations. Aside from writing, she loves to hang out with friends, meet new people, travel, exercise, and try new things.