Dear Guydance,
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months. Recently he seems to be getting more distant. He doesn’t text or call nearly as much as he used to and when he does, he seems very short. I don’t know what to do. Should I wait for him to contact me and give him space or just ask him what is going on? I don’t want to bother him but I also want to know if he is still into me.
Please help!-anon
Hey anon,
You came to the right place. I did some research and you might just be overthinking things. Relationships are all unique from one to the next, and if you compare yours to anyone elses’, rarely will they ever look alike. But there are a couple stages all you lovebirds tend to go through.
Stage 1: The Infatuation Stage
The first stage in any relationship. It always starts with blind love and an irresistible urge to be with your significant other. You know those couples who just can’t seem to not suck face in the middle of the hallway? Yea, that’s you.
Stage 2: Getting to Know Each Other
After the blizzard of emotions settle, you become more curious about each other. This is where you find the 2-hour phone conversations, and most intimate details out about your ‘bae’, from families and exes to favorite pizza topping. Everything is blissful and you still can’t get enough of one another.
Stage 3: First-Fight Aftermath
First fights usually go by unnoticed as they are resolved pretty quickly. Maybe you have your first doubts about the relationship, but they dissipate and everything is resolved. This is the first test thrown at you to check how you two do under pressure. Don’t worry, you’ll come out stronger than before.
Stage 4: The Assumption Stage
Pay attention anon, I think we found what you’re going through.
During this stage you reach a point of understanding, where you think you’ve learned everything you need to know about your SO. You start making assumptions, and so does he. These aren’t horrible assumptions, but when they turn out differently than you thought they would, it leaves you wondering if he really cares or if he feels the same anymore. You didn’t expect him to bring you out to dinner on a weeknight, but you love him for it. He regularly walks to class with you but he forgot this time, and it depresses you.
Now, chances are you’re doing the same things and there’s no point in worrying about them or making desperate attempts to try and fix habits you think he might hate. Be communicative and talk about one another to each other. Notice how I said, “to each other.” Don’t bring it up to your best friend first or gossip, it will probably get to him faster than you can, and believe you me, you will suffer for it. If you think there is a problem, work between yourselves before you look to anyone else.
Stage 5: The Moulding Stage
You have your own expectations from an ideal partner. And in this stage, both of you try hard to form each other to fit your own wants in a perfect partner. This stage is a lot about give and take, and both partners constantly try to subtly convince each other to change their behavior towards the relationship. This is a power struggle, and one that can end the relationship if both partners are domineering.
Stage 6: The Happy Stage
If you survived the moulding stage, then you both may have made the sacrifices to your own lives just to strengthen your bond to your partner, and the relationship will flourish because of that. This is my ‘in the clear’ stage, if you can handle all the bull**** that led you up to now, smile wide because you’ve made it past the breaking point responsible for so many broken relationships.
Hope I’ve helped at least a little bit anon. Not knowing what your partner is feeling can be excruciatingly painful sometimes, but that’s the thrill of being in a relationship, it leaves more to be desired. You shouldn’t build impossible expectations, because as humans, we naturally never reach them. Good luck anon, hope all goes well.
-Jake George