In the last few weeks I’ve seen a lot of things online, both from friends and acquaintances, excusing cheating — calling it natural, even. To me, this is unacceptable and I genuinely don’t understand how people can think like this. Whether you’re the one cheating or the one being cheated on, I feel you. And if there is anything that I’ve learned from all the hopeless relationships I’ve been in, the most important thing to hold dear is the respect you have for yourself and your partner. That’s hard to do with infidelity.
I’m not talking about being obsessive as females are often portrayed in movies — going through their partner’s phones or blowing a fuse when he’s out with another girl who turns out to be his sister. In the real world, cheating is deliberately hiding things from your partner, be that something as simple as a Tinder account to something as obvious as taking someone else home after the club.
The biology argument is pretty archaic, if you ask me. This excuse for cheating comes around every time it happens: men and women aren’t meant to be monogamous and it’s not realistic. Even if that’s true — which I don’t believe it to be — social constructs exist. Women grow hair, that’s natural, but we shave it off anyway. We ovulate to produce children, but I don’t see anyone going around waving signs saying condoms aren’t natural and we shouldn’t be expected to use them.
Whether it’s in our biology to be monogamous or not, when you enter into a monogamous relationship with another person, that’s what you’ve committed to. If you and your partner(s) are okay with you seeing and sleeping with other people, then hey! A-Okay, that’s not cheating! But breaking their trust? That’s not okay. And when you enter into a relationship with the promise of staying faithful, using your biology as an excuse is ridiculous.
You know what else is in human biology? The ability to tell right from wrong, and act accordingly. And don’t get me started on the “I was drunk” excuse. Alcohol changes your behaviour, not your morals. Even if you disagree with me there, if drinking makes you go totally out of control, I’d hate to hear the other things you’d excuse when drunk. If you drink enough to the point that you don’t care about other people — especially someone you’re supposed to love, like your partner — you shouldn’t be drinking.
In short, if you respect your partner, no excuse will ever be enough to cheat. You should have more respect for them than going behind their back. All relationships take a lot of work. Excuses, especially flimsy ones, should never be tolerated.
To sum it up, if they love you, they won’t cheat. Cheating is deliberately holding power over your partner and it’s a break of trust. It’s comparable to physical violence in that one party is taking control and holding it over their partner. The emotional turmoil that it causes should never be something that you wish on anyone, but especially someone that you are supposed to love.
If you’ve cheated, even for a moment, you should probably take a hard look on your relationship because it’s evidently not your first priority. If you’re the one being cheated on, I hope you hold your partner to a higher standard. Whether it’s in your biology or not to forgive them, it should be in your biology to demand the respect that you deserve.