CW: Sexual Assault
You might think stealthing looks something like this:
Or this:
Believe me, I wish this was the kind of stealthing making news. Unfortunately, a new ‘sexual trend’ has taken the internet by storm: non-consensual condom removal during sex. Except that it’s not a trend at all; it’s actually a deceitful form of sexual assault.
Removing a condom without consent is an intentional violation of trust and a downright dangerous act when it comes to STD/STI exposure. Some people may argue that if two people agreed to sex, then removing a condom doesn’t revoke it. By that understanding, stealthing, while immoral, does not justify being labeled sexual assault. This is wrong! Consent was premised upon the terms of using a condom, so removing it voids the contractual agreement.
Still feeling kind of like this?
Let’s pretend you’re buying apples.
You: “Would you like to buy my apples?”
Me: “Yes, the ones in the nice bag!”
Y: “That’s $5.”
M: “Ok. Here’s $5.”
Y: “Here are the apples.”
M: “I wanted them still in the bag, please.”
Y: “Oh, I decided not to sell the apples including the bag.”
I only agreed to buying the apples because I thought I was getting the bag! You tried to sneak them out without telling me first. If I’m feeling angry and confused over apples, imagine how hurtful warping consent can be during an act as intimate as sex.
“But what if I want to remove a condom during sex?” you ask? It’s really simple:
Although stealthing is now a well known term, it should be used carefully in discussions. By intentionally avoiding the words ‘sexual assault’, perpetrators can avoid responsibility for their actions and victims may downplay their experiences when they’re every bit as valid as other forms of assault.
As a society, we need to do better. Let’s stop treating stealthing as a trend, stop taking advantage of others, educate about consent and support those who share their stories. What’s our first step? Calling out stealthing for what it truly is: sexual assault