For most 90s kids, watching classic, corny, mindless Disney movies was just part of growing up. But it was more than that: scarily enough, the gorgeous princesses we saw in movies, the adventures they went on, and – most importantly – the romances they experienced became part of who we were! It might become your dream to be the most beautiful girl in the land, or to live in a palace, or to be swept off your feet by some hunky distant lover. But dreamy as all of this may be, it’s really not that realistic or healthy enough to apply to real relationships. While our favorite Disney couples would seem totally infatuated with one another, they hardly had a basis of a committed, long-lasting relationship. So, here are some things, if you’re still waiting for them to happen in real life, that we all may wish were part of our relationship, but really shouldn’t be:
1. Love at first sight
In the perfect fairy tale romance, the young princess will have finished her soliloquy in song form and all the animals will have scattered, when a young man approached. Instantly, he is overcome with her beauty and she is entranced by him; and somehow, despite them barely having had a conversation, this is the moment we know they have fallen in love. But, how on Earth can we know that? They haven’t spoken with each other, they know nothing about one another’s interests, passions, dreams, or background – how can they possibly know this person enough to claim they love them? It’s simple: the whole concept of love at first sight is based on an entirely different definition of love, one that we might consider a little risqué to explicitly state in a Disney movie.
2. The fairest in the land
This is just such an outdated term – who even associates being “fair” with beauty nowadays? Today, we just call that pasty. But somehow in every fairy tale we see the princesses as our idols, as the women we want to be; they have achieved some unattainable standard of beauty, and for some reason, are all just sitting around waiting for an adventure to happen to them so they might escape their current standard of living. Most often, they’re waiting for love. For some reason, our stories are never focused on the second fairest in the land or the wisest in the land – no, for whatever reason, the truest love only seems to happen to the most beautiful girl in the land. This is completely inaccurate representation of girls in reality: you don’t have to conform to any standard of beauty in order to obtain a lover! No mirror will be able to tell you that you’re the most suitable for any partner in the land either, because you’ll be suited for the person you’re meant to be with just the way you are! And regardless of what any mirror says, your partner will always tell you you’re the fairest in the land.
3. True love’s kiss
Kissing is great – one of the main perks of a relationship. Rarely, especially in modern culture, do we consider there to be “one kiss” that determines whether or not someone will love you. In most instances, it’s much more than a kiss. There’s a lot of pressure placed on this first, but in reality, kisses hardly tell you anything – certainly not if the guy you’re with is the one you’re going to marry! Physicality is a great part of any relationship, but by no means does it equivocate to love.
4. Damsel in distress
Alright, so we love our princesses and in terms of contour they seem to have their lives down pat, but we have to ask ourselves this: do the princesses really do anything? Especially in the classic fairy tales, the heroine’s primary purpose and act is to be saved by someone else – that’s their main point in the entire movie! It seems as if their entire purpose lies in being saved by a guy – and even so, how does being saved equivocate to love? Sure, the thought of a guy saving you from all of your problems is sweet, but come on ladies! Surely we can wake ourselves up from a long nap, or tell an evil stepsister to stop bossing us around! We shouldn’t be dependent on any partner to save us from our troubles; the basis of a relationship should be caring for another person, not what you can get from them!
5. The instant marriage
This seems to be something that bothers us all about fairy tale romances, and leaves us questioning the relationship (in case we weren’t already). How is it that at the end of Snow White she wakes up, and almost without saying anything runs off with this guy? How is it that at the end of Cinderella they get married after one dance/shoe fitting? Such a fast paced relationship simply doesn’t fly in reality. You need time to grow and get used to a person before you can even think about calling your relationship “committed.” Sure, it’s cute to think of relationships going that far, and that’s what a lot of people like – but it’s also totally fine not to commit! Assuming relationships end in marriage just isn’t how relationships work today, which is actually a very good thing. Frozen is pretty much the only one that got this right.
6. The “Dream Guy”
When someone asks what is your “dream guy” or “dream girl” like, most of us have a pretty clear definition: they’re smart, good looking, can make us laugh, all that sort of thing. It seems that in all of these fairy tales, she’ll be thinking or dreaming of this amazing guy and then – in less than 10 minutes – this guy will magically show up and they’ll fall in love. The guy will have every single quality she was looking for, and so obviously – with barely a word spoken to each other – they’ll fall in love, because she loved the idea of him before she even met him. While yes, it’s great to think we’ll one day meet the partner of our dreams and they’ll have all the qualities we wanted them to, it just isn’t realistic. You’ll probably meet someone someday who has most of the qualities you’re looking for, and you’ll start to like them a lot. However, over time you start to notice little things they do that weren’t in that vision you originally had of them: chewing with their mouth opened, making oblivious comments, or maybe not being as funny as we thought they were. We don’t want to admit it, but even the people we admire the most have faults – but that’s what makes us people! It’s accepting and being ok with the faults that makes the relationship good – not the complete lack of them being there at all.
7. The happily ever after
The fact that this isn’t true isn’t as dreary as it may sound. No, there may be no such thing as a happily ever after: a time in which every part of your life is perfect, after you’ve overcome some great obstacle and you leave it all behind, and you never have to worry about anything again.
But is that really something we want? Shouldn’t we always be progressing forwards, to new, better versions of ourselves, always seeking ways to improve our characters and the world around us? To me, the idea of a stagnant world in which you live in a never changing pseudo-reality with your spouse doesn’t exactly sound ideal.
Plus walking off into the sunset sounds like a really long walk.