To the guy in the bar,
Hi. You probably have no recollection of me. I haven’t been so lucky. We met about a year ago, at a club event for my friend’s club. You asked me to dance, and while I wasn’t interested, I said yes because I didn’t know how to say no. You took my agreeing to dance with you as an invitation to my body, like I was open for business and you could do whatever you wanted. I tried to keep distance between us, but you didn’t like that. You grabbed onto my wrists and held onto them tightly so I couldn’t get away. Being smaller and weaker than you, there was nothing I could do as you kept coming closer and started grinding on me. I desperately looked for someone in the crowd, anyone, who could see that I needed help. When I finally managed to break away, my friend came and told you to stop. You didn’t, instead choosing to follow me around the club, grabbing onto my wrists and “dancing” with me, trying to take it one step further. It wasn’t until I left the club that I was finally safe from your advances.
Almost a year later, this encounter still haunts me. Why did you feel that my body was up for grabs? Why did you think it was okay to rub your crotch against me? Did you look at my crop top and skirt and decide that I was just asking to be sexually assaulted? If you answered yes to any of the above questions, let me give you a reality check. My body is mine. Consent is multifaceted. I agreed to dance with you. Unless there has been a change in the definition of the word “dance” that I am unaware of, I don’t believe that I was inviting you to rub your dick against me.
When I look around at clubs, it shocks me how many guys behave the way you do. They grab girls and force themselves upon them, assuming that the girl will be into it. If she’s not, they get mad, calling her names like “b*tch” or “whore,” as if she has done something wrong by not falling at your feet. As women, we are forced to constantly watch ourselves, and our friends, in case we receive unwanted attention. I cannot tell you how many times I have physically put myself between a friend, or even a stranger, who was being harassed by a guy at a bar. You do this without so much of a thought to how that girl may feel. These experiences are scary, and while they may be a drunken fleeting moment to you, they stay with us. Women are sexually assaulted more often than men, and it’s easy to trivialize an experience if you have never experienced something like that before and cannot relate.
So I urge you, and other guys at clubs for that matter, to think twice before perpetrating this kind of behaviour. If you are interested in a girl and would like to dance with her or buy her a drink, ask first. If she says no, accept it and move on.
Sincerely,
The girl you “danced” with