Earlier in the school year, I wrote an article about communication. I talked about expressing yourself, not bottling things up, and being comfortable enough to talk about anything, big or small. Recently, I realized that there is another point that falls under the umbrella of communication: Not being afraid to ask for what you need.
*Image from someecards.com.
We live in a society where being needy has a negative connotation. It is true that no one wants to deal with someone who is whiny and demanding, but needing things, especially emotionally, should never be bad. We are who we are, and we need what we need.
For me personally, the phrase, “Actions speak louder than words,” could not be any more true. I need to feel loved; it’s just how I am. My boyfriend tells me that he loves me, and while I believe him, I believe him more when he shows me that he loves me. I’m my happiest when he’s smiling at me and laughing with me. To many, this may seem basic. Aren’t boyfriends supposed to smile at us and laugh with us? We would hope that they are. My boyfriend, however, is quiet, shy and somewhat awkward. Like me, he doesn’t smile often. This isn’t because he’s unhappy, he’s just always thinking about things. He doesn’t realize that he looks unhappy a lot of the times. Because we have this in common, we often assume the other person is unhappy and then we both become unhappy, and it turns into an awkward situation!
*Image from examiner.com.
As our relationship continues, we are learning new ways to communicate more effectively. We like to ask each other two important questions:
1) How can I love you better?
2) Is there anything that you need from me?
We use the word “need” so that asking for things doesn’t make us feel needy. Asking for something just answers the question. My boyfriend has told me things that I do that he doesn’t really like and in return I usually tell him things he doesn’t do that I need. That’s how we work. We complement each other.
Every relationship is unique and special. It is important to honor that. I know that I need affection from my boyfriend; he knows that he just needs time with me. By asking the other for what we need in the relationship, we are growing stronger together. Needing things doesn’t make you needy.