Recently I’ve begun to notice a trend in the way that guys ask me out. It started about a year ago, when I was in the library on the third floor studying silently for my finals at a large table with a friend at around three in the morning. I was laying out casually with my legs up on a chair and a giant book filled with the Complete Works of William Shakespeare resting upon my thighs when I turned to my notebook that sat open on the table and there, sitting on top of it, was a folded piece of paper. I am a very oblivious person so I didn’t even know how long that paper had been there. I glanced over at my friend, assuming it had come from her and opened up the paper.
At first I was flattered. It was a very sweet note; he hadn’t written anything I found to be insulting or immature. He just said that he’d like to ask me out. Problem is I had no clue who this kid was. I sat up straight and looked around the floor but couldn’t see anyone who appeared to be watching me. I leaned over to my friend and tossed the note at her to ask if she saw who put it there and she said no so I just sat there in disbelief and quite a bit of annoyance. How dare this guy ask me out with a note and then not have the courage to actually talk to me. Really, how old are we?
Anyways I thought that that would be the end of it, some freak occurrence, but no it wasn’t. Since then I have been asked out via the written word quite a few times (on and offline) and once even with a drawing. You’d think that as a writer and avid Jane Austen fan I’d find it romantic and sensitive. But no, in fact I find it cowardly and childish. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment, and I fully recognize how intimidating it can be to ask a person out. The fear of rejection is a very intense one and as an introvert I know how difficult it can be to talk to strangers, but that doesn’t mean that we should hide behind a computer screen or some restaurant napkin.
Confidence is such a key player in attraction and it’s very disappointing that the only guys who seem to have it are the jerks. Our society has turned the idea of a date into something that holds so much power and it just makes it stressful. Dates aren’t nearly as prevalent as they used to be because people fear now that if they go on a date then they’re dating and dating means that they’re in a relationship and suddenly everything just spins out of control and that’s sad. All that a date is, or at least all that it should be, is two people who are interested in getting to know one another a little better. So take that and do with it as you will, aka stop stressing and just ask someone out, if they say know then they just aren’t interested in getting to know you which is their loss. I make a point to say yes to almost everyone who asks me out at least once because if I decide I’m not interested it will be because I don’t feel that connection.
Furthermore, when I get a random note like this and I don’t have a face to attach it to, that’s annoying. I’m not saying that looks are everything, but being asked out by a faceless, emotionless inanimate object is weird. It just is. Am I being selfish in asking that when I’m asked out it be in a certain way? Maybe, I like to think of it as having standards because really all I’m asking is that it be through some sort of conversation, it just flows better that way and it helps comfort me in thinking that you have a little more interest in me than just you think I look nice, you know? When you ask someone out it should be because of genuine interest and while you don’t have to be overconfident in the answer, you should be confident in your question. Take control, the notes just make you passive.
Now back to the problem. These notes aren’t “cute,” they aren’t “sweet;” they’re annoying. When I receive one it just makes me mad and it makes me wonder: “Why couldn’t he ask me himself? Is he scared of me?” Because let me tell you right now, no woman in her right mind would be attracted to someone who is afraid of her. These notes only remind me of the second grade when people would pass notes with the super romantic “check yes or no” instructions penned across the top with pink crayon. And you know what? I’ve met some second graders who are more straightforward about their interest than these guys! Sorry boys, but grow the eff up, and save the love notes for when you have more to write than just your phone number.
Sincerely,
The women who are fed up with your notes