“Ecology marks are up.” I don’t even need a Blackboard reminder, because texts like these are usually an indication of the ultimate doom — marks posting. I can be having the best day ever, maybe I’m out with friends, or even getting done from my lab at 6:00 p.m. (pretty early), but getting texts like these will ruin my day.
The next phase of the doom cycle consists of me panicking and debating checking my grade, because what if I got lower? What if I did better? What if I didn’t even pass? The what ifs completely kill me, because it’s so uncertain. The panicking phase lasts four whole minutes before I impulsively click the grades tab on Blackboard and then the disappointment phase kicks in.
I did terribly. I feel worthless. Useless. Like complete trash because I worked so hard for this yet I see minimal output. It was all in vain. I don’t feel like doing anything, and I either over think or take a long nap (both bad options, I know).
Then I wake up to 25 notifications all from people wanting to know how I did. It’s a never ending cycle.
Write midterm. Flop midterm. Grades posted. Wave of despair hits. Repeat.
I wish it wasn’t such an overwhelming process, but it feels like every time I write a midterm I lose a part of my mental and physical well-being. And that’s when I know something’s wrong. If I’m working six times as hard as someone who spends thirty minutes studying the morning of, keeping up with readings, and going to class then clearly Houston we have a (or several) problem.
I’m probably not alone, though. If you feel victimized by this constant doom cycle, then let’s all form a support group and cry together. Sorry for the negativity, just got a text that marks are posted for another course– so here we go again!