Yesterday I got a text from my mom when I was walking home from class. It read, “went to 50 Shades with friends yesterday. Interesting movie…” In that moment I felt a combination of shock, embarrassment, and relief that I didn’t have to be there with her and her friends for that. I called her to find out what she thought of the movie, and she noted that she thought it was okay, but mostly importantly mentioned how hilarious it had been in the movie theater where she saw it. According to her, the theater was filled with hoards of women and their best friends who had brought their own V-day treats, and that at one point she even heard a champagne bottle pop. Since I was not about to let my mom be more culturally relevant than me, I immediately called my friends and made plans to have our own Valentine’s showing of 50 Shades. I had yet to read the book and neither had my friends, but we all decided conclusively that going to see the movie would be more fun than trying not to wallow this Valentines day.
We ran into the packed 4:45 showing on Saturday a little bit late, popcorn and soda in hand; ready to see what all of the craze was about.
Obviously we weren’t expecting an Oscar winner when sat down for the film, but we hadn’t expected it to be so unintentionally funny. It was difficult to take anything but Jamie Dornan’s hotness seriously during the movie. Yet, one of the hardest things to digest was the idea that any woman, not matter how attractive their partner was, would be willing to play into what was ultimately a deeply offensive and degrading assault fantasy. Of course I do not mean to shame anyone’s sexual preferences, but rather ask why there was so much anticipation, excitement and good reception for a film which ultimately glorifies a man’s abusive desires? Although there are moments in the story line when the main character Anastasia stands up against the harmful sexual desires of Christian, the amount of time she stays with him in spite of all these red flags is alarming. The character that Dakota Johnson portrays is weak and insecure and becomes the primary aspect of Christians affection only after revealing her virgin status. The excitement that her virginity creates for Christian quite literally plays the notion of female “purity” being related to desirability, which women have been trying to fight for decades. Even main character Dornan admits that Christian is not his, “…kind of guy. I don’t like the idea of someone telling a girl what she should eat and how much she should exercise and all that stuff. That’s not right. Obviously.”
Like Dornan, I couldn’t help but ask myself what kinds of messages this onscreen relationship was sending to other women who are in abusive relationships, to teenage girls who are attempting to figure out what constitutes a healthy partnership, or to men watching the female obsession with this series unfold.
In today’s media it seems that there is a steady stream of degrading messages shown to women every day. Ads, movies, books, TV shows, most of them regenerating and playing upon gender stereotypes which can have far reaching effects. 50 Shades of Grey does the same thing. Many people question why there is so much emotional and physical violence against them in the world today, but when a film specifically targeted towards them who’s central thesis involves blatant sexual degradation becomes a smash hit, it all begins to make a little bit more sense. Even as I left the film, I couldn’t help but ask myself if it was wrong of me to have felt disgusted by things like Anastasia having to kneel on the ground naked before entering to see her “master.”
I am the worlds biggest connoisseur of rom-coms and I love romance novels so cheesy they could put grilled cheese to shame, but that doesn’t mean that I want to be force fed the idea I should feel comfortable with a man who only desires me hand cuffed and blindfolded. I want someone to love me Notebook style, unequivocally, as I am, in an equal way, not under the conditions of a contract.
So I say, let’s try and hold up media relationships which are conducive of equal and positive interaction, as opposed to glorifying texts which could have ultimately harmful long term repercussions on viewers.