“ I’m sorry I can’t be what you need right now,” “I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me,” or, “ I’m sorry. I’m also talking to the one girl you absolutely despise, but don’t worry you’re beautiful too.” I am sure I can come up with many more familiar quotes that come from the men of generation Y.
Yes, woman seem to be climbing the social ladder higher and faster than ever before in American society (while wearing heels I may add!). But why is it that men still think that we are the ones who need them the most? Could it be that we check our phones every ten minutes when we worry we won’t see him that night, or the fact that we spend an extra twenty minutes on that perfect winged liner to impress the current man in our life?
After multiple situations where I was left broken hearted because he just “wasn’t ready,” I finally decided to be the jerk! Now, I did not take this task lightly. If I was going to walk a mile in a man’s shoes, I was going to do it fashionably. So I put on a pair of size eleven Doc Martins and started with the outgoing, adventurous, nature-loving hipster. We will call him C. Our first date was an adventure to a waterfall called Hopee Falls, which I arrived late to because getting a juice was much more important at the time for me.
The second guy, we will call him D, waltzed into the retail sore I work in wearing a dress shirt and pants. Yes, actual pants and not a swimsuit (remember, I’m interning in Hawaii). Our first date was watching him practice fighting at the local kickboxing club followed by dinner at an Italian restaurant on the pier. He was the guy who wanted to stay up late and write poetry about me as I would roll my eyes at every cheesy Haiku.
I had two incredible guys come into my life at the same time. What did I decide to do? I decided to be a jerk. I double booked most of my nights. One night all three of us ended up on the same couch. While I let them sit there together, I went home to go to bed alone. This continued for a few weeks. I showered both of these men with compassion while I was with them, but ignored phone calls, texts, and plans when I was with my girlfriends. I was mastering the role of being a complete jerk.
One night I had dinner plans with D. It was the kind of dinner plans I had to curl my hair for and pick out an outfit at least twenty-four hours before hand. Thirty minutes before the date I looked into the mirror and realized the only person I wanted to be with was C. So, with shaky hands I called him. Every ring felt slower than the last finally ending with his voicemail. Time went on and D arrived at my doorstep.
After that evening I realized that I no longer could play this heartless role because I became venerable to C. I was back to where I began and learned I am not a jerk, but instead a hopeless romantic who is going to fall too fast and too hard for multiple wrong men. This experience taught me that whomever I date is lucky for me to fall for him, and now I am also more than capable of walking away, whether it’s because he needs to be “set free” or because I need that breathing room.
Every woman should be the jerk at least once in her dating experience to realize tnat we are just as capable as men to be the ones who don’t want the relationship. After you have this experience, feel free to bring yourself back to the over caring, over thinking woman you are and realize there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!