Girls who like girls have to deal with a lot of ignorant, tone-deaf, or just straight up nasty comments. We do our best to be patient, but sometimes it gets pretty difficult to put up with. Whether you’re lesbian, bi, or pan, you’ve probably had a run-in with somebody who thinks these kinds of things are ok to say. Hang in there, girls.
1. “So who’s the man in the relationship?”
Neither of us, actually. If one of us were a man, it wouldn’t be a gay relationship. One man and one woman aren’t required for a functional relationship.
2. “Can I watch/Can I join?”
No thanks, but you can go to hell. F/F relationships don’t exist so you can live out your fantasies from all the lesbian porn you’ve watched. We aren’t here for your viewing pleasure – go get your own girlfriend (and may God save her).
3. “Oh my god, do you have a crush on me?”
Just because I like girls doesn’t mean I’m into every single one of them. None of us go around asking straight girls if they have a crush on every guy around. And if your gay female friend does have a crush on you, don’t treat her like a predator or sex-fiend. We’re just like you.
4.“Well, you don’t look gay.”
I’m so sorry! I forgot to cut my hair off and wear my flannel with my “I <3 Girls” shirt underneath! Don’t base your ideas about gay people on stereotypes. What we look like has nothing to do with our sexuality.
5. “It’s just a phase.”
I’m pretty sure I know my own feelings better than you do, but thanks for the input. Don’t invalidate the experiences of lesbians and bi women just because you have preconceived notions that female sexuality is all fleeting and experimental. Maybe it will turn out to just be a phase, but that experience isn’t yours to go through or judge.
6. “I wanna become gay, I’m so tired of men.”
If only you could just choose your sexuality, huh? Too bad it doesn’t work like that. Sure, dating men is rough, but gay relationships are prone to the same issues straight couples deal with.
7. “Aren’t bisexuals more likely to cheat?”
Nope, not at all. Just because bi people are attracted to the more than one gender, doesn’t mean they’re attracted to more people in general, and it certainly doesn’t make them less committed or loyal. Straight men are only attracted to women, and look how often they cheat. This stereotype has no logic behind it, so cut it out.
8. “Aw, they’re such good friends!”
They’re gay, hun. Kristen Stewart kissed a girl and held hands with her, and the online media reported it as “girls being close friends.” This can work to our advantage sometimes, so we don’t get outed, but it’s mostly just a pain. Romantic and sexual relationships between women exist, and they’re just as real and legitimate as any heterosexual relationship. We’d love for our relationships to be validated and treated as equal.
9. “How do you…you know?” or Any Other Sex Question
I don’t understand why strangers feel so entitled to the intimate details of gay female relationships. How we do it is none of your business, and if you want to know so badly, Google search is free. We don’t owe you our personal lives. Also, F/F relationships can exist that don’t involve two vaginas – transgender girls exist.
10. “You said he’s cute, I thought you were gay!”
My vision didn’t go away when I found out I liked girls. I can still recognize that Chris Hemsworth is incredibly fine in the Thor movies; I can still objectively appreciate good looking people regardless of gender.
To all my fellow gay ladies: don’t be afraid to correct and educate people who tell you these things, but don’t feel obligated to either. Remember, it gets better.