Listen, I’m not going to harp on how stupid it sounds to call your significant other “bae” because so many people have done that already. It’s not really much dumber than most terms of endearment: baby, sweetheart, honey, boo. Glossing over that bae means “pear” in Korean and “poo” in Danish, labeling someone as “before anyone else” is an unhealthy thing for a young person to do.
It’s a mistake I have made myself: I put several boyfriends before anyone else, before myself. When I was finishing high school, I gave up a scholarship to study abroad so I could go to college with my then-boyfriend. A few years later, while serving in the military, I gave up the opportunity to cross-train into a job that I really wanted so that I could stay with the next boyfriend. The boyfriend after that begged me to move to his home state of Kentucky with him after I got out of the military instead of attending the school I wanted, and again it was a mistake. It’s time for all of us to learn that putting someone else first teaches someone that they can have unreasonable expectations of us. We all need to put ourselves first.
I realize that this is all anecdotal, and I don’t expect you to take my word for it. Nor am I saying that we should all rebel and be single forever (though feel free to go that route). This is despite the fact that married women are not quantifiably happier than single women, but they are more successful and satisfied. That’s only when the marriage comes later in life: women who marry after 30 make more money than women who marry young.
Waiting to get married means putting yourself first throughout your twenties, allowing you to complete the level of education you want, establish a career, and learn enough about yourself to actually be able to choose a partner who fits well in your life. We’re already seeing that trend in our generation, with men getting married at an average age of 29 and women at 27. In fact, 28-32 is the ideal age for marriage.
So here is my call to all my fellow collegiate women: enjoy being your own bae. Put yourself first now, because later in life there will be plenty of time to focus your attention on a spouse and/or children. You can’t love someone else until you can love yourself. Don’t set women back by becoming the girl who has to have a man to feel whole. And stop saying bae.
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